Nothing describes my feeling right now, except overwhelmed.
I was coming home from campus tonight and I was thinking, "Do I go straight to bed in order to ignore all that I have to do, or stay up late so that I can cross things off my to-do list?" The answer: I have done nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I feel too overwhelmed to even start.
-The house is such a mess! A total disaster. Where do I start? And by the time I make any headway, I will have to take a break or move my crawling baby from climbing on the tv, going up the stairs and knocking over the laundry baskets.
-Christmas decorations need to be put up. The thought of going to the basement to get everything, to put it all up, and then to put the totes back in the basement...not fun.
-Working out is hard. I can't convince myself that a little exercise is better than none. I think that if I can't put a few hours in, then I don't do it at all.
-Christmas presents! Seriously...who am I buying for? how much are we spending on each person? When will we see them to exchange gifts? Will I find the perfect gift? If I don't, will they think I didn't put much thought into it? If I spend time wrapping gifts, will caleb just unwrap them all under the tree? Do we have enough money to spend on Christmas gifts? Are Jon and I exchanging gifts? Are we getting anything for Caleb?
-In a few short days the semester will be over. I want to end well, and help students to end well. How do I do that?
I feel so lame for even posting this on a public blog. I know that you don't read this to hear about my complaining, but man oh man, have I been in a slump lately. My depression and anxiety filled self has come back to our home. I am kicking butt with prayer and not allowing it to control me, but it.takes.so.much. out of me to fight.
For my friends who are facing very real struggles tonight, I am sorry you just wasted your time reading this.
4 comments:
Kristin, I know the feeling! That was exactly me two weeks ago. If I get overwhelmed NOTHING gets done. I am too overwhelmed to even start. Prayer helped me as well as my husband coming alongside of me and kicking my butt in gear. And people taking my baby so my time could be more efficient. Good luck to you I will be praying for you.
I identify with so much of what you are saying. I have no idea what I am doing for Christmas gifts or decorations. It freaks me out that I have nothing planned yet. My house is in a constent state of disrepair. I can't remember the last time I vacuumed or swept.
You know what you need to do... pick what tasks are posible for one day. Move forward and rejoice in baby steps. You will accompish what you need too. Don't alow Satan to make you weary in well doing. I know you will make it.
(hugs)
Kristin,
I found your blog! I am praying for you and thinking of you and although this doesn't help your situation, its nice to know that other young mamas are dealing with the same stuff. EVERYTHING you mentioned is what has been racing through my mind. everything. You know what's the craziest part? I Still havent gotten completely back on track since compelling...sleep, laundry, random iv bags to unpack, thanksgiving messes,a baby that is creating tornadoes wherever she goes...I am praying for you to just make it through the end of the semester and then to take a deep breath and begin accomplishing one thing at a time. My prayer lately has been "lord, you and I both know that I can't accomplish everything I think needs to be accomplished, help me to be obedient and do whatever it is you are actually asking of me and to trust you with the rest" This really helps with my anxiety
~Cristina
Good advise from Anonymous! As for the exercise, you can break it up into 10 or 15 minutes more times a day. You can do it in between chores. Exercise while playing with Caleb. He is good for laying on the floor and doing push ups with him. You lye on your back on the floor and lift Caleb up in the air. It's fun for him and good for you.
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