You know what is NOT helpful?

I am hopeful. Jon and I are hopeful. When I asked him tonight if he thought the adoption was going go through, he said yes. I said "are you saying yes to protect me?" His reply, "I say yes, because she is our baby."

This is our general attitude. We love her. We want her. We are prepared for her. We are hopeful, but it doesn't mean that there are never waves of sorrow and grief. The unknowing silence can kill me sometimes. So do you want to know what is NOT helpful?

-staying up late.....the mind just wanders.

-watching tv...you would be surprised at the things that can make me break into tears.

-planning for the rest of the semester/year, not knowing if I will be holding my little girl this year or not.

-hearing other folk's adoption stories, or their friends stories, a story they heard on the news, etc. NOT HELPFUL! WHY? The story either ends well, and I think, "Great, what about my baby?" Or it doesn't end well and I think "well, that was encouraging--NOT" Folks, don't waste your words.

-When someone says "She must not have been the right one for you." You don't want to cross an angry/emotional/attached mamma when you say this to me.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I was talking to my sister this week, and told her that I was surprised that so many people were praying for us. She asked "Why? You guys have a huge support system!" Truer words have not been said. Thank you all for your support! We love you all.

Keep praying. Please pray that G would call the agency and go through with the adoption.

In case you were wondering...the due date is in 1 week and 4 days. Not that I am counting :)

If you give a college student a pancake...

Every Tuesday night I have the privilege of studying scripture and hanging out with some amazing first year students! This past week we decided to give free pancakes to the freshmen dorm. We wanted to get our name out, to invite people to our small group Bible Study. Besides, it is so fun to give free stuff away, especially free food. Everyone loves it!

I am asking for it

I am asking for accountability and help! Today starts day 1 of phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. Help me along this process!!

Just in case you were wondering....

There is still no news. Keep praying. Don't lose hope, don't lose faith! Pray the prayers of your (our) hearts!

Because I need to...

-I need to take my mind off things
-I need to have more energy
-I need to be able to fit into my clothes
-I need to feel attractive again
-I need to be able to have the energy and stamina to care for a little one
-I need to make my body a temple unto the Lord
-I need to fit into a super cute bridesmaid dress in one year
-I need to be healthy now to set an example for my kids in the future

Goal: Lose 53 pounds by October 2010. (would not be unhappy if it happened sooner, but hey, lets be realistic

Plan: working out 4 days a week, cutting back on bad carbs.

Who wants to join in with me? I am going to do a jump start with South Beach Phase 1.

And some added incentive...because Jon and I are SO NEEDING this, we have a "reward" system in our budget. If we work out four days a week, for a month, we will receive $30 that month. Now if that isn't an incentive......shopping here I come!

And even more incentive....PUTTING THIS ON MY BLOG! Seriously, accountability anyone?

So, who's in?

Everything rides on hope now

..or so says the lyrics of a song I heard on the radio today.

This is our new mantra. What good is it to be depressed, and anxious that we just sit by the phone call waiting for an update...an update that no one seems to give us. Enough!

We are hoping. The Lord has asked us to become attached to Noelle Grace.
He asked us to love her. We do.
He asked us to provide for her. We are saving to do so and will be able to.
He asked us to pray for her. We have and continue to.
He asked us to get a house ready for her. We did.

This cannot all be for nothing, so we are hoping. We are waking up everything thinking "Is this the day that we get a phone call from the hospital? Is this the day that we get to hold our sweet baby in our arms?" So we hope. We prepare. We act as if it is going to go through.

Because that is what happens when we pray--we wait for God to answer.
And because this is what this woman needs to do to get out of bed in the morning.....hope is all I have left.

And the update is.....

...there is no update. Keep praying for us, pray that we would be able to adopt our sweet Noelle Grace:)

"I'm right by the carriage...do you see me?"

This past weekend 30 some women from church traveled to Frankenmuth for our retreat. It was a wonderful time to get together with women, to build relationships, to laugh, to shop and for a few hours to forget about some pain in my heart.




From L-R (Rachel, Amber, Alaina and myself)

Roommates! Always a fun time rooming with folks. Just the start of some beautiful frienships...right ladies?

Waiting for the phone call....

Hoping to get the phone call from our case worker tomorrow morning.

PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY.

If you didn't get the title, please get on your knees and pray for us.

For those of you who have been joining us in our adoption journey, thank you for your prayers, your tears and your support. We have an update!

G (birth mom) has been found. Our case worker went to her apt today and lo and behold, she was there! She has been going through a tremendous amount of stress lately, being evicted from her apt is definitely high on the list.

TOMORROW---Wednesday, our case worker, her case worker and G will all be meeting, discussing how to best support G during this time, and talking about the adoption. As of tonight, she is planning on going through with adoption and has not changed her mind at all.

We should be getting a phone call from her soon.

Pray
-that the meeting tomorrow would go well
-that G would be supported and provided for
-that our sweet Noelle would be healthy and come home to us
-that we would be able to speak with G and get a feel of where she is at.

Jenna and Nolan

This past weekend, I had the privilege of taking engagement pictures for my younger sister. Enjoy!

Walking Through the Valley

A beautiful song by Ginny Owens. A song that puts words to my emotions. To God be the glory, even in the valley, broken path and in the fire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw

This is what I am thinking about right now...

Searching for G

Thanks for all who have been praying as we search for the birth mom. A quick update...

-we have decided not to show other birth mom's our profile until after Noelle's schedule due date. That way if we are picked, and we find G then we don't have to make a decision between two babies.
-G's counselor sent her a letter via mail. They are hoping that if she has moved out there will be a forwarding address that they can use to find her.
-G gave us her cell phone number and we were encouraged today by our counselor to try calling it once a day.
-Currently we are still praying and hoping that this is a huge misunderstanding and soon we will be holding sweet Noelle for good.

Lord, hear the cry of my heart

The cry of my heart is to be a mommy
A mommy to beautiful, sweet Noelle Grace
To be born soon

The cry of my heart is to bring her home soon from the hospital
To wrap her in my arms
To give her more love than she knows what to do with

God, you know the cry of my heart.....

We were told today to plan on the birth mom not going through with the adoption. She has been MIA for 3 weeks and she is supposed to check in weekly with her counselor. They have called her, the phone is disconnected. They have gone to her apt, and left a letter on the door. They have called her mom, and her sister. Still, no luck. Their only guess is that she has changed her mind.

Tonight, the cry of my heart is that we would get a hold of birth mom. That we would be able to talk with her, and walk through this process with her.

Tonight, the cry of my heart is that Jon and I would both sleep well, and while we are sleeping that the Lord would be working in G's life (birth mom).

Tonight, the cry of my heart is that God would give us peace.

Tonight, the cry of my heart is to know the heart of God.

I am not even sure what to pray for, but would you pray with us and for us?

ALMOST LOSING MY MIND.....

Good thing we have a God that can handle my emotions, that can handle my tears and comforts me during sleepless nights. I am so thankful for the Lord who is so much bigger than me.

Why am I losing my mind?

Birth mom has rand out of minutes on her cell phone....

which means---

-we can't get a hold of her to go to her doctor appointments with her
-we can't get a hold of her to hear how she is doing
-if there is an emergency, she has no phone
-that I am going crazy wondering...

-how is my baby?
-is birth mom ok?
-has she gone into labor?
-is she healthy?
-does she need money for other things? like food?
-has she changed her mind about adoption? Is she hiding from the adoption agency?

Adding to our caseworker's caseload is a frantic mom to me (me) calling and emailing all day long trying to hear how my baby is doing.

Here is the message I received from her today:
No Kristin. We have not gotten a hold of (birth mom) during the past week or so. Karen and I are going to go over to her house and try to catch her at home today or tomorrow. I promise to update you after our visit.

I PROMISE.....I am waiting for that promise....I am waiting to find out.

Think of my sweet sweet baby girl tonight.