The Diaries of a White Mamma- {Hair Edition}

I was schooled in doing Caleb's hair, er NOT doing Caleb's hair. Caleb turned 8 months old yesterday and up two days ago he has never had a comb through his hair.  Yes, you read that right, I am a horrible mother that does not know hot to do her child's hair. I didn't know if you should comb right through, if it would make the hair more frizzy or hurt him. So nothing was done, because that is me, the "all or nothing" girl. Not my greatest feature.

Anyways, I had a friend over on Thursday and had her way with Caleb. There were lots of tears, not sure if there were more from me, or more from him. She greased up that boy and combed through his giant head of hair. And there were more tears.

He had beautiful hair before, but my oh my, some product and some work, what a beautiful boy I have!

Give me some grace, k?

{Wordless Wednesday} Puppy Love

Sometimes it feels like this....

Actually, most the time ministry has a felt a bit like this. It feels like I am in a car that is too small, that I cannot move unless I use my feet, and if I do move, I might hit the garage in front of me. If I actually go get some speed and get going, I am not going to last very long, because I was not made for this car, you see, my body does not actually fit in there.

That may be a bad description. Or perhaps a description that was thrown together because I like the picture. I think if I really spent some time processing, I would feel a lot like this 5 year old boy in a toy car. It doesn't fit, it should be fun, but it's just not. It ends up being a lot of work.

How wrong! God has given me gifts and I have turned them into burdens. He has given me desires and visions and I have turned them into lofty, unattainable dreams. I do crave big things, only things that I can accomplish on my own.

So on this day, Monday, August 23, 2010, on the first eve of a new school I am looking forward to what God is going to do. I will not keep Him in a box. This boy in the pictures fits better in this car than God does in my box that I have created for Him.

This year....I am excited. I AM EXCITED!!!!! I am excited. Folks, hey, you out out there. Did you know I am really excited? God has some great things planned for this year for ministry on campus, and the best part is.....despite my dirty, rotten, sinful, disobedient self, He wants to use me? How's that for a job description?

This year.....is going to be different.

It is about BREAKTHROUGH

The Zucchini Family

This week, when we got home, we had a new family on our porch.  

What do you think about our new zucchini family? 

I just wanted to spend some time with him before my crazy schedule started.

I thought it was a great idea, taking Caleb to my all day staff meeting on Wednesday.  My colleagues could see him, and more importantly, it would be a few more hours  I could spend with him before the busyness of a new school year started.

It was a great idea. In theory of course.

He cried, a lot. He threw a complete tantrum when I tried to feed him lunch. He refused to nap with people around. He cried more. Screamed actually.


Somewhere on the campus of Michigan State University he lost his favorite pacifier.

So there were more tears, but at least we have puppy. ( I really should make a post on "puppy".)

In the midst of this, I realized that not only was life stressful as a mom on Wednesday, but I was at a staff meeting...and missed...a . lot. 

I am grateful for the grace that my colleagues offered me.

It was a great idea, but a very hard day.

And yet.....it was a good day. Always is, with such a beautiful boy in my life.

{Wordless Wednesday}

Working on Wall Art

This was a gift that I gave to my sister for her wedding shower. She has already seen in, though the gift is not finished. Neither of us are satisfied with the outcome. It spells her future name:) What would you do to make it different, to make it pleasing to the eye?

From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Your Arms

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I've been thinking,
Cause it's all I've had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I
Should give this child to you.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,
If he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life
Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,
I prayed and paced the floors,
And knew the only peace I'd find,
Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,
For another girl like me.
But I'm not on a soapbox,
Saying how we all should be.

I'm just trusting in my feelings,
And I'm trusting God above

 

And I'm trusting you can give this baby
Both his mothers' love.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

 

Author: Based on writings of a young birth mother, with the help of song writer, Michael McLean) 


Caleb's birth mother will always have a special place in our family, she seems in a strange way like she is part of the family. I find myself praying for her, thinking about her, wondering how she is doing. I cannot imagine making the decision that she did, but I am oh so grateful that she did. 

L---this is for you. We will be doing our best to raise your boy that was fashioned in your womb. We will tell him the story, speak well of you, and pray for you. You will always be the braver of his two mothers. 

Wishing you well today,  

Like father, like son

Jon is a soccer player, I am not. I simply do not understand or care for the game. If he is going to have his way, his children will certainly take after him.


What do you think? Do we have a soccer player on our hands?

Yeah, it was THAT bad.......

On Friday, August 7, 2010 I finished my first ever 5k....just barely. It was one of the most miserable physical experiences I have ever had in my life.....and I am by nature, an exaggerator.

And yes it was THAT bad.

So bad that I started crying at mile 1

So bad that all runners had passed me

So bad that most walkers had passed me

So bad that all of the children could have lapped me twice

So bad that people with strollers lapped me

So bad that old women and men were running laps around me

So bad that if I would have been in my own town, I would have walked straight home

So bad that I thought it was my most embarrassing moment thus far

So bad that I thought my husband and friends would be ashamed of me

So bad that I vowed never to run again....ever

So bad that I was planning my dinner/dessert binge when I got home

So bad that I could not take off my sunglasses because I was crying

So bad that I spent most of the time walking and not even running

So bad that I was in a pretty bad spot of self loathing

So bad, that I almost finished last


The whole experience was awful. I want to keep running on my own, because I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I don't know if I will do another race again.....at least, a race where I try to run. I can walk a race, but trying to run is a whole other game.

Sometimes I like to hear my baby cry

{A very old picture of Caleb crying}


Don't freak out. Calm yourselves, ok?

There is something so sweet about my baby's cry.

Having a crying baby in my house, means exactly that.....I have a baby in my house! What joy!! I don't need to think back very far to the days of losing my sweet Noelle. You can learn about that here, and here, and here. God has called us to adopt. He has asked us to be a part of redemption in this way. So here we are, celebrating with the cry of a baby.

Another reason I like to hear Caleb cry: He can communicate with us now. If he is crying he obviously wants something. I am learning what his cries mean, and how to provide, protect and love on that boy.

There is something indescribable about a child, er---my child crying, and the satisfaction that comes when I can console him. I LOVE it. I love that he looks to me when he is upset. I was at a friends house today and he started crying just by being in the house, an unfamiliar place. When I picked him up again, he was fine, and snuggled close.

Oh my boy, how I love the closeness of your cheeks, your slobbery kisses, and your snuggles. When you cry and need something, mommy will always be there. Even if people say we are spoiling you:)

Excuse me, what are YOU looking at?