Things to Never Say to a Foster Parent

1. What happened to his parents? Why is he in foster care?
        First off, each story is different, and the story belongs to the child. Not you. And be careful how you are asking. There is a huge difference in asking about a baby and a 10 year old.  A 10 year old is already wrestling with why they are being taken away, why mom and dad are not able to care for them. They feel sometimes, like they are to blame. So let's do the kids a service and at the very least not ask those questions in front of them.

2. How long will you have her?
   We don't know. Actually no one knows. Only a judge can decide that, so unless we just went to court, nothing has changed. I'll give you a clue though....very rarely are kids in foster care for less than 6 months, and the hope is to have a permanency plan within a year. Obviously, this is the ideal situation, and doesn't always happen. Also, court hearings happen every 90 days. If there hasn't be a hearing, there is no new news. Just sayin.

3. I could never be a foster parent.
    Why do you say that? Sure, being a foster parent is hard. Totally hard. Lots of appointments, parent visits, loving on kids that may or may not love you back, having bio parents tell you how bad  you are at caring for their children, etc.....    
    There are the days where I think, "no more." I can't deal with the system. I'm done. And then I remember that God has called me to be here. I remember that God gives us strength for the things he calls us to do. It's not about what I have, it's not about what I can do, but it is all about leaning on Jesus and pressing in to Him.
    Is it going to be hard to let go? Sometimes. The baby we have now, will be extremely hard to say goodbye. Isn't that what we want though? If we are so quick to hand over kids and say goodbye, it probably means that we weren't that attached with to begin with. And don't these kids need all the love, attention and support they can get? I will do my best, with the strength of God, to love these kids well, to connect with them, and have them be a part of my family.

4. Those kids are so lucky to have you.
    Enough. This statement just makes foster parents sounds like heroes. We're not. We're broken, messy sinners.

5. I can't believe (foster agency) throws you around like that.
   I get it. I don't get to get frustrated for those things, I signed up for those things. I signed up to get thrown around. Side note: I wish that I didn't get frustrated...but I totally do.

6. Will you keep her?
    What do you mean? Like a puppy? Seriously? Why are you asking that? See #2........we don't know when a child will return home or if they return home. Our answer for this question asked right now of  Miss Chicky baby is "If we get the chance....yes."

I am so thankful that God has called me to be on the foster care road. It's hard, it's lonely, but it is so so worth it. Wanna join me?

Anniversary Week (Wedding!!!)

    So I am a little late on the wedding update......

    We were married on a beach on Lake Huron. It was beautiful, but  incredibly, incredibly, hot. Sooo hot.Whew.  We gave water bottles to every  guest, and had our programs made into fans.

   I love my husband more today than ever before. I could go on and on, but 7 years later, and I am more in love than I ever thought I could be. Here's to at least another 7!

  And for the photo version of our wedding......

After the ceremony there was a mad rush to jump in the lake to cool off. So glad I had a T-length dress on, so I could join them:) 

My sisters and I....all making the same face, that we always make, all the time, and unless someone points it out, we don't even know we are making it:) 

Celebrating Anniversary Week (The College Years and Engagement)

     Jon and I went to different colleges, he was at Oakland University, and I went to to the best school known to man, Central Michigan University. Being apart was so good and so needed. We had no intention of ever getting back together.

     We both loved college. InterVarsity was a huge part of both of our college experiences. We both grew a ton spiritually during college. We learned who we were apart from each other, and were able to start being the people God had created us to be. Our paths crossed a little bit in college. Because we were both a part of InterVarsity, we would see each other at conferences, and when we would be at home at church, but that's it. I thought we we were done forever.

     We don't have very many "college age" pictures together, because we were not together for most of college, but because it's fun to go back in the past, I will bring some out of the vault:)

Jon: In the red:) Guys from college.

   And some of me from college.....

Me and my college roommate...spring break trip to Florida. Also fun fact....this is the trip where I met my future brother in law (didn't know it at the time). 

Krista and Kristin!!! My very best friend!!! We spent LOTS of time together in college....... awww.... miss you 1/5. 

Part of my InterVarsity chapter...

Back Together 

   Basically because Facebook was invented, Jon and I got back together. You know, basically. That an AOL instant messenger. Remember that, friends? We started chatting online....I spent tons of time online in college. I worked the front desk of my dorm, and sometimes it was overnight hours, leaving me nothing to do but look at the computer in front of me.... We started sending messages back and forth.  

  One weekend, Jon decided to come to Mt. Pleasant , we would go out and catch up and go from there. And that was all folks. Once we saw each other again, it was like we were the same people, but totally different. We both had grown up, we matured, we spent time a part, and yet what attracted us to each other from the beginning was still there. And I was hooked on that man. 

Circa 2004: Jon and I with a bunch of mutal friends from church 

This picture cracks me up!!!  We took my baby sister and his little brother go carting, putt putt golfing and to the batting cages.. 

The Engagement  

     Remember my best friend Krista? Yah, she was conspiring with Jon on the proposal.....and my roommate (Tiffany pictured above) also had to be in on it...... 

     It was a yucky Sunday. I had stayed up the late the night before. Krista and I went to church on Sunday morning. We were supposed to get all dressed up and go out for a girls night that evening. I tried to get out of it. I so just wanted to have a night at home by myself in my apartment. I was so tired. And had so much homework to get done.  And seriously....a Sunday night....lets just plan for something the next week.  

    Somehow Krista convinced me that it was a good idea to go out. She told me to get ready and she called and said she would be by in a minute. There was a knock on my apartment door. I opened it, totally expected it to be Krista, and it was Jon, dressed in a suit, with flowers. I was shocked. He lives two hours away. It was Sunday night, he had class and work early on Monday morning. What was he doing here? 

  

    "Ready? We have reservations" he said, like I was expecting him. Alrighty....perfect. We went to a classy place for dinner. He had convinced me that this was not a proposal dinner, but simply an act to prove that he can indeed surprise me. I ordered lobster. The one and only time I have ever had lobster in my life:)  

    We went back to my apartment. When we walked in, there were flowers all over the place, candles going, and music playing. What in the world? How did he do that? Who had keys to my apartment??? While we were at dinner, Krista came and decorated:))) We were dancing to the cd he made for me. Our song came on....he sung it to me, dropped down to one knee and proposed. 

     To this day, he will not let me live this down. I told him "No," After all, he did convince me that this was not the proposal day, so he obviously was not really asking me to be his wife. Except he was. And I didn't believe him. I did say "yes" later:)  

    I got so excited that I knocked some candles  over. Luckily no fire, just lots of melted wax all over my carpet. Oops.    

   We were engaged for 9 months, about 6 months too long. It was a crazy hard time for us. To this day, I will encourage anyone I know that is engaged to not have a long engagement. I'll save my sob story for another post. I gave my ring back for a few days and I didn't think we would make it to the wedding.  Being engaged was soooo overrated. So glad we are past that:))  

Next up: WEDDING!!!!  Stay tuned. 

Celebrating Anniversary Week -- High School Years Edition

I know, the quality of picture is insanely bad......but, hopefully you can see it:) 

         This week, Jon and I are celebrating seven years of marriage. I am excited to share some of our story with you....and the subsequent pictures that go along with the story.

       My grandma says that our story started in 1992 when Jon was in third grade. My grandma was Jon's third grade teacher, and she swears to this day, that she talked with Jon's parents about marrying me when he was in her class. I don't remember that AT ALL. I don't remember meeting Jon until I was in 6th grade. Our families went to the same church, and we grew up in youth group together.

        Sometime during my freshman year in high school, Jon and I were interested in each other. My parents had a no dating rule until I was 16, and truthfully, I was grateful for that. I didn't really know what dating meant....I didn't know what to do. I would be out of town for my 16th birthday, so a few days before Jon showed up at my house with a birthday card. It was simple. And sweet. And still, we weren't dating. We started dating a month after my birthday.
 
        High school was rough. We were very interested in each other, and loved spending time together, but as teens, we were on again, and off again...a lot. I don't know how many times we broke up, and got back together.  We both had our own demons and struggles. This played a pretty huge role in our relationship. When I graduated high school, we broke up "for good." Actually, it was the day of my graduation open house. Good memory, huh? It was also the day Jon gave me my graduation gift: a beautiful tennis bracelet, that took me 2 seconds to lose.

       I'll get more into the college years in my next post, but breaking up after I graduated was absolutely needed. We both had some serious things we needed to work on, and we really were not loving each other well.

     

Jon and I went to two different high schools and were a year apart. Because of this, we went to A LOT of dances. My parents were so glad that I could wear those expensive dresses twice:)

- 5 homecomings
-4 proms
-3 Winterfests

Next up: College Edition