Foster Parent Spotlight: Trisha

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents.Today we meet, Trisha. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We have been licensed for about two and a half years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? we had been interested in foster care in the early years of our marriage. We had close friends that were foster parents and their family kept growing as they would adopt. over several years they ended up adopting 6 children. This family had a huge impact on us. It was a joy watching them serve God and trust Him as they faced many challenges.I remember after our 2nd son was a couple of years old, I did some research and was going to sign up for the PS-MAPP classes. That week I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd and decided it wasn't a good time. Then 3 years ago the time seemed right .We had extra room in our house and all our boys were in school. We have always loved kids and have been involved in children's ministries.
3. What has been most surprising? I guess the most surprising thing would be how much contact we have with the birth parents. Before I was a foster parent I actually thought we would never come in contact with each other and the truth is I see or talk on the phone with birth parents DAILY.

Another thing I've been surprised at that no one told me in the beginning. The appointments and miles driven!! There are drs and dentists appointments always shortly after placement. We have had school meetings , IEP meetings, play therapy and mental health. There are family team meetings and of course all of the court hearings. Not to mention all of the visits. Right now we have 3 foster boys...boy #1 gets 3 visits a week, Boy #2 gets 4 visits a week including one overnight. Baby gets 5 visits a week with his mom! We usually drive one way and the provider drives one way. We live in the country so we drive about 10 miles to town. It adds up fast!
4. What have you learned about yourself? I have learned I am much stronger than I knew I was. I can handle much more than I thought I could (only with the help of my heavenly Father). I actually LIKE going to court. I have gained a ton of confidence.
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?God is always faithful. We lean on HIM daily(sometimes moment to moment). He ALWAYS provides and meets our needs.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? My advice to someone considering foster care would b to focus on loving the kiddos and giving them the best care possible....DO NOT get caught up in the drama or games that birth parents play. Be patient with DHS. Working with them can be frustrating.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Our greatest need is prayer and we do need help.We could not do this without the help of so many.Our fostercare support group has been a great help with car seats, formula, diapers whatever we may be needing. Our church family has been AMAZING ! Providing meals the week we get a new placement. Providing groceries, babysitting. Also our families have been so super supportive and love the kids and include them at family gatherings and camping trips just like one of the family. We are very blessed!

Foster Parent Spotlight: Amber

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Amber. I have had the opportunity to be close friends with Amber for the past 5+ years. In the last year, I have watched her and her family turn from a family of 5, to a family of 8 through foster care. I have been blessed to see how God has used them through foster care:) 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? 6 months
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? a little boy who won over our hearts. We always knew we were open to taking in a child but just didn't know what avenue it would come in.
3. What has been most surprising? For us, that one child led to two which then led to three. I guess I am surprised that we now have a sibling group of 3.
4. What have you learned about yourself? I can do a lot on a little sleep. 
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent? I have learned that the very hard is met with a very faithful God
6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? If someone is considering it then that means that their heart has been pricked and I would tell them to take each step as it comes. I would tell them that the system is flawed but that we are given a chance to be a voice for a child. My goal right now is to be a voice for three children who do not yet have one in this world. My goal is to love three children who were not being loved. My goal is to every day introduce and share Christ with these three children. I would also say that foster care is not for everyone. I believe it is a road that you can choose to take by God's direction and leading. Also I would advise them to get with others who are fostering. You need others that are in it too so you can bounce stuff off them or vent or just chat about what is going on.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Well, fostering can sometimes feel like a lonely thing. My greatest need has been and continues to be support from family and friends. I am fortunate that there are many families in our church that have fostered or are fostering. They have been a great wealth of support. Also support can come from others who are not fostering. Other people that have come along side and just been encouraging and giving with prayers, meals, babysitting, diapers and wipes.

Foster Parent Spotlight: Marilyn

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Marilyn. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We were foster parents for 8 years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? I was introduced to the beautiful way of growing a family through adoption at a young age. My mom was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. My mom always had a thankful attitude toward adoption. I knew my mom's adoption was a beautiful example of adoption. I understood that God's plan was for Christians to care for people in need. When my husband and I looked into adoption we told our adoption agency we were interested in providing a home and family for children who are harder to place into care. Our agency explained to us the GREAT need for foster families. When we learned that it is often difficult to find appropriate homes for foster children we decided to become foster parents. 
3. What has been most surprising? I was surprised by how easily I forgot that my foster child, this little one who depends upon me for almost every need, and who so quickly stole my heart, still in reality has another family – their birth family. The truth that I was not their one and only mommy was hard to comprehend and a difficult reality for my heart to admit to.

4. What have you learned about yourself? As a result of providing foster care I learned that my capacity and ability to completely and unconditionally love someone did not depend upon whether or not they were born of my womb.  
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?I learned to trust in God in a brand new way. In many circumstances in my life I have been able to have a decent amount of control over the outcome In foster care decisions are completely out of my control and into the hands of God, the judge, and the birth parents. Being so far removed from the decision process of the little lives I cared so much for and had invested so much into encouraged me to run into the arms of my heavenly Father. The trust I placed upon God took on a brand new meaning and our relationship has changed forever.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? The advice I’d offer anyone interested in becoming a foster parent is to be careful to remember that foster care is needed and provided because of a great need the children have. We cannot enter into this ministry of caring for foster children to fulfill a need we feel is missing in our own lives. We need to remember this ministry is about the kids. Jesus Christ completes us and because of His great love we can in return love on others! Praise God!

I would also advise people to carefully consider the purpose of foster care. The goal of foster care is reunification between birth parents and their children. Reunification is the goal and adoption only occurs IF and when reunification isn’t possible. Like me, you may find yourself falling in love with a foster child the very moment you meet each other and yet he or she may not be yours to care for forever. This truth is important to remember as you take on this very important ministry. However, adoption of a foster child into a family may be a reality and when it is needed is such a blessing to the child and the adoptive family!!

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? When I was a foster parent my greatest need was for people to understand that just like their heart my heart is weak and sensitive! I heard endless comments about how my friends and aquainances were much too sensitive and how they would just get “way too attached” to the child so they could never be foster parents to a child who might have to leave their home. I have found that most foster parents have such LARGE sensitive hearts that they are willing to share what they have with someone in need despite their own potential heartaches that might come. A fellow foster parent wrote a book about being a foster mommy and titled it, “The Middle Mom, How to Grow Your Heart by Giving it Away”. Being a foster parent means being so sensitive and aware of someone else’s heartache and need that you are willing to give your own heart away completely to heal theirs.

Foster Care 101 Continued....the System

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

If you missed the first post on foster care and how to care for foster families, please check it out here. 

Question: "What exactly is the system" 

Often in foster care, we throw around the word "System." The "system is broken."  "Kids get lost in the system." Etc. What exactly is THE SYSTEM? In order to answer some of that, some other roles and explanations are required. Ready? Set. Here we go. 

Why are kids in foster care? If there is a concern about the safety of a child, Child Protective Services (CPS) will start an investigation. The investigation could result in immediate removal, or an ongoing, checking in, keeping parents accountable, etc.   

If a child is removed, they are either placed with relatives, if a home is appropriate or in foster care. During that time, the case is transferred to a foster care worker. The foster care worker becomes the primary contact and advocate for the child and parents. Their job is to figure out the best situation for the child, majority of the time, working towards reunification (send the child back home).  

If you are a parent and your child has been removed, you are offered, and often court ordered to participate in a number of services, including drug screening, job training, finding appropriate housing, parent visits, parent classes, going back to school, counseling, etc, etc, etc. 

In most cases, a case will go before the courts every days. In the state of Michigan, it is a goal that kids will have a permanency planning hearing by the time they are in care for one year. 

Everyone who has a role in working with parents and the child (CPS, foster care workers, service providers, lawyers and the courts) are a part of the system. The judge on the case makes the ultimate decision, but all play a crucial role. 

Yes, the system is messed up. The system needs people to stop complaining and instead,  need those who are redeemed by Jesus to step in to the messiness of the system, get their hands dirty and to show the redeeming power of the Savior to a very, very broken system. 

Hope this helps! 

Helping Foster Families During the Holidays

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

First up, is simply an article taken from our agency letter that was sent out last week. There are lots of you, who are not directly involved in foster care, but would be a great blessing to those who are. Here are some ways to do so:

7 Ways to Help Foster Families During the Holidays (and beyond) 

1. Babysit so the parents have a chance to do some Christmas shopping, complete other errands, and even have a romantic dinner together. 

2. Wrap presents for them so they don't have to worry about trying to find time to do the work of elves in the middle of the night when they could be getting some much needed rest. 

3. Prepare some meals so they don't have to. After all, finding time in their busy schedule to make a homemade meal can be a big challenge. 

3. Come over and do the laundry, cook, shovel snow, put up Christmas decorations, or other tasks that might help them. Added bonus: While you are there you can be a listening ear and offer encouragement and support. 

5. Take one of the family's children for the day. Give the child some spending money to buy gifts for their family. Treat them to lunch. You will find this to be a wonderful opportunity to mentor a child.  

6. Have the family over for dinner or for a holiday celebration. 

7. Adopt a foster family or another family by committing to be an ongoing support and resource for the family, no matter way season it is. 

-Written By: Calhoun County Foster Care Collaboration