Weekend Visits

**From this point on, #lilduck will now be referred to as #koala, because she is seriously a koala bear that is attached to your body at all times. **

Chick and Koala went home in January. We knew  the week that they would be going home, but through a crazy turn of events (the hubby in another state for work, Caleb and I an hour away in our new town and trapped in our new house due to a snow storm and Chick and Koala at daycare over an hour away).... we weren't able to say goodbye or pack up their things. Anyways, mom picked them up from daycare the day of the snowstorm and that was it. 

I spent January and February texting mom, with no response. I had things to give her from the girls, and just generally wanted to see how the girls were. 

She finally texted me and asked if we could take the girls for a weekend in March. YES YES YES YES. My babies!!! We were so excited. I went to mom's house to get the girls. As soon as they saw me they ran and gave big hugs, and I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. Tears of happiness that they seemed ok and grateful that we get to see the girls. Tears of sadness, knowing that this was just a weekend visit and we didn't know when we would see them again. We had a great weekend together. Jon and I took the girls back on Sunday and it was awful. They were screaming and didn't want us to leave. 

The same thing happened two weekends later, but 10x worse. Chick was clinging to my neck screaming "mommy don't leave me." I cried. Mom cried. I told mom that it was ok, that Chick would be fine. I struggled with wanting to help mom navigate this, and wanting to scoop up Chick and run away with her. I wanted mom to know that Chick has a deep bond with us, and for the wellbeing of her daughter, they needed to spend time with us. Chick needed to know this wasn't the last time she was going to see us. I wanted to encourage mom to keep doing well. And then my baby squeezes my neck screaming. I walked out the door and hear more gut wrenching cries. It was rough. 

I am grateful for the opportunity that mom allowed us to stay in their lives. I am grateful that we were able to have weekend visits. As we journey on in foster care, no matter the outcome, it will be important to maintain relationships with the first families of the children. Reunification is not easy,but it is almost always the first goal in foster care. And sometimes, reunification doesn't always work. 

Two days later, our case worker sent me a text, "Hypothetically, if we were to do a removal, would you and Jon be willing to take them back?" 

Um. Yes. 

The next day, Chick and Koala were back in our home. It's been a whirlwind, but so good.