All you woman out there, don't jump on me....yet. In no way, shape or form, do I believe that pregnancy is an easy cake walk. Trust me on this. In fact, I am actually very fearful of it (that is for another post). BUT....right now, pregnancy would be easier.
As I look forward to the holidays, this is the Christmas where I wanted a baby. This was going to be it.....we have celebrated 3 Christmases together as husband and wife, we have bought a house, we have a great marriage, good jobs, feel settled.....what a great Christmas present a baby would be.
It is hard to not have one with us during this season. Half joking, and half seriousness, Jon and I have said to each other on numerous accounts, that we should just "try." Adoption is hard. Pregnancy would be easier.
Mind you, we have never tried to get pregnant....well, I guess if you having sex, then, it is always a chance, right? Let me rephrase....we have been very careful to not get pregnant over the last 3 years. We want to adopt. We are passionate about adoption. It breaks our hearts that there are children that will never have families.
For this season in our lives.....it would be easier to get pregnant. It would be easier and more fun to have sex, get pregnant, 9 months later, healthy baby, botta boom, botta bing. All in a perfect world.
But that is not what the Lord has asked us to do. He has asked us to enter into this process with Him. To enter into a process that gives children a home that would not have one otherwise. A process that comes alongside birth mothers, and say to them, "We are going to walk alongside of you in the process, we will hold your hand, love you and support you." Those words would be empty if we will not make the choice to also raise their children as our own.
We have been asked by the Lord to pursue adoption. But being pregnant would be easier.
It almost seems selfish and irresponsible and faithLESS to get pregnant. Selfish: It says that we want a baby NOW....and we really don't want to walk alongside mothers in need. Irresponsible: We can only have so many children to invest in emotionally and remain sane, not to mention financially. If we start getting pregnant when God is not leading us there, then we may never adopt. Or maybe we would not have adopted as many children as God had wanted us to. FaithLESS: Do we REALLY believe this is what God has for us? If it is, then we need to wait.
**(Disclaimer: I do not think, that all women and couples should feel this way.....in fact, if I did, it would be contrary to scripture. I know that many of you are pregnant, or have children biologically and are blessed beyond belief to have that. I also know that some of your have had pain after pain of not being able to bear children or adopt, and for that I am so sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine it. But for us....this is where God has called us to be. This is where we will stay until He chooses something else)**
I see the little Christmas outfits in the store and can't wait to dress a child up for Christmas pictures and holiday parties. I had great plans to send out family photos in Christmas cards this year, and my heart hurts, that folks will not be getting a picture from us.....there is not much to show, just Jon and I. And I think to myself, getting pregnant would be easier.
We want a baby.....but we have to remember why we have gotten ourselves into the mess of this process....it is because there is a loving Father who has adopted US as HIS Children. There is a loving Father who cares for the orphans and father-less. If the church does not show these children that, then how will they ever see His Love? How will they ever know it? How can Christians just talk, and not do anything about it?
So here we are....in the mess.....dealing with broken hearts, paperwork, the huge costs of adoption, still a family of 2, because no matter how easy getting pregnant would be, we have been asked to adopt.
As I look forward to the holidays, this is the Christmas where I wanted a baby. This was going to be it.....we have celebrated 3 Christmases together as husband and wife, we have bought a house, we have a great marriage, good jobs, feel settled.....what a great Christmas present a baby would be.
It is hard to not have one with us during this season. Half joking, and half seriousness, Jon and I have said to each other on numerous accounts, that we should just "try." Adoption is hard. Pregnancy would be easier.
Mind you, we have never tried to get pregnant....well, I guess if you having sex, then, it is always a chance, right? Let me rephrase....we have been very careful to not get pregnant over the last 3 years. We want to adopt. We are passionate about adoption. It breaks our hearts that there are children that will never have families.
For this season in our lives.....it would be easier to get pregnant. It would be easier and more fun to have sex, get pregnant, 9 months later, healthy baby, botta boom, botta bing. All in a perfect world.
But that is not what the Lord has asked us to do. He has asked us to enter into this process with Him. To enter into a process that gives children a home that would not have one otherwise. A process that comes alongside birth mothers, and say to them, "We are going to walk alongside of you in the process, we will hold your hand, love you and support you." Those words would be empty if we will not make the choice to also raise their children as our own.
We have been asked by the Lord to pursue adoption. But being pregnant would be easier.
It almost seems selfish and irresponsible and faithLESS to get pregnant. Selfish: It says that we want a baby NOW....and we really don't want to walk alongside mothers in need. Irresponsible: We can only have so many children to invest in emotionally and remain sane, not to mention financially. If we start getting pregnant when God is not leading us there, then we may never adopt. Or maybe we would not have adopted as many children as God had wanted us to. FaithLESS: Do we REALLY believe this is what God has for us? If it is, then we need to wait.
**(Disclaimer: I do not think, that all women and couples should feel this way.....in fact, if I did, it would be contrary to scripture. I know that many of you are pregnant, or have children biologically and are blessed beyond belief to have that. I also know that some of your have had pain after pain of not being able to bear children or adopt, and for that I am so sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine it. But for us....this is where God has called us to be. This is where we will stay until He chooses something else)**
I see the little Christmas outfits in the store and can't wait to dress a child up for Christmas pictures and holiday parties. I had great plans to send out family photos in Christmas cards this year, and my heart hurts, that folks will not be getting a picture from us.....there is not much to show, just Jon and I. And I think to myself, getting pregnant would be easier.
We want a baby.....but we have to remember why we have gotten ourselves into the mess of this process....it is because there is a loving Father who has adopted US as HIS Children. There is a loving Father who cares for the orphans and father-less. If the church does not show these children that, then how will they ever see His Love? How will they ever know it? How can Christians just talk, and not do anything about it?
So here we are....in the mess.....dealing with broken hearts, paperwork, the huge costs of adoption, still a family of 2, because no matter how easy getting pregnant would be, we have been asked to adopt.
3 comments:
As I enter the holiday season blessed with an amazing son and expecting my second son early in the new year I applaude you and Jon for your committment and choice. You are right when you say getting pregnant is easy (for some) and for sure way more fun that filling out paperwork and meeting with prospective birth mothers. What you have been called to do is not easy and I admire you both for having the courage to follow HIS lead, I wish I knew the timeline for HIS plan to bring a child into your home. Until that time Thank you for being open, honest and sharing your journey.
Hi...I just found your blog through a friend's blog and wanted to say that I have been reading about what you've been going through lately and I am just so, so sorry. We too have walked the adoption road (international, so different from your experiences, but still some of the same), and it is not easy, not at all. The waiting is hard, having empty arms when you just want them filled with a baby is hard...especially at Christmas. I want you to know that I will be praying for you as you go through this process. There is joy on the other side, but this part is just BRUTAL.
Hi, I also just found your blog and must say that I have been in the same sitution as you. We are in the process of adopting and just got a referral but I remember all those feelings you go through. I'm a Labor and Delivery nurse, and it was oh so hard. I know it's easy to say God has a plan for you and be patient. I have not mastered that patience thing yet, but my husband and I have grown so much closer over this whole process as well as our faith. Take heart, it will all come together!!
Post a Comment