Let's just talk about the Elephant.

Or in our case, let's talk about the Chicken.

In just 5 short days (as if a day can be short with a crazy chicky girl running around), we will be packing our van with the belongings of the sweetest almost 19 month old you ever did see. Ok.....maybe not sweetest. She is a bit of a beast. But she is a cute one, and she has my heart. We will take her back to her parents house, and our time being her temporary parents will end.

It is really easy to be on this side of things, and ask yourself, "Was it worth it? Was it all in vain? Did we make any difference?"

And the truth is, I don't know.
 I want to think so. 
 I want to think that the way we loved her helped her learn to bond with others. 
 I want to think that we will continue to have a relationship with her and her family.  
 I want to think that the prayers that were prayed over her and for her were not to the ceiling.  

In my heart of hearts, I know that it mattered. If it didn't, we wouldn't be in foster care. But, it is really hard to see.

It's even harder to feel. 

In April 2013, we said yes to taking a newborn home from the hospital. She was in the hospital for a few days, and I spent time loving on her, holding her and praying for her. When she was ready, we took her home, and the crazy journey began.  I think about what we would have missed if we didn't have her in our lives. 

My house would be cleaner.  
   But, I wouldn't have had the chance to see my tender, then three year old son become completely attached to his "baby chicken."  

I would have gotten a lot more sleep. 
   But, I would have missed the sweet morning smiles and giggles. This child is a morning girl.  

I would have had lots more time on my hands. 
   But I would have missed a lot of her firsts. Her first steps, her first words, her first hugs and kisses. I loved being there for her firsts, and my heart ached that her mom and dad were not a part of those milestones. 

My heart wouldn't be broken. Caleb's heart wouldn't be broken. 
   Isn't love like that? You risk it all on the line, and you aren't sure if you will be loved in return. But it's worth it. We put it all on the line, not knowing if we would be her parents for a season or forever. Our season is done. And it's hard. And messy. And I don't like it. But it was worth it. It was worth it for her. She needed a family. It was worth it for me. I was able to love like Jesus. It was worth it for Caleb. We are able to see him love another child, and to continue to explain that kids will be in and out of our house, as they need places to live and mommies and daddies. He doesn't get it all right now. I don't get it all right now, but step by step, we are walking in stride, following Jesus as a family into this crazy messy world of foster care. 

What's next? 
We say goodbye to Chick on Friday, and become a household of 5. We will not be taking any more foster placements until January 1.