Weekend Visits

**From this point on, #lilduck will now be referred to as #koala, because she is seriously a koala bear that is attached to your body at all times. **

Chick and Koala went home in January. We knew  the week that they would be going home, but through a crazy turn of events (the hubby in another state for work, Caleb and I an hour away in our new town and trapped in our new house due to a snow storm and Chick and Koala at daycare over an hour away).... we weren't able to say goodbye or pack up their things. Anyways, mom picked them up from daycare the day of the snowstorm and that was it. 

I spent January and February texting mom, with no response. I had things to give her from the girls, and just generally wanted to see how the girls were. 

She finally texted me and asked if we could take the girls for a weekend in March. YES YES YES YES. My babies!!! We were so excited. I went to mom's house to get the girls. As soon as they saw me they ran and gave big hugs, and I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. Tears of happiness that they seemed ok and grateful that we get to see the girls. Tears of sadness, knowing that this was just a weekend visit and we didn't know when we would see them again. We had a great weekend together. Jon and I took the girls back on Sunday and it was awful. They were screaming and didn't want us to leave. 

The same thing happened two weekends later, but 10x worse. Chick was clinging to my neck screaming "mommy don't leave me." I cried. Mom cried. I told mom that it was ok, that Chick would be fine. I struggled with wanting to help mom navigate this, and wanting to scoop up Chick and run away with her. I wanted mom to know that Chick has a deep bond with us, and for the wellbeing of her daughter, they needed to spend time with us. Chick needed to know this wasn't the last time she was going to see us. I wanted to encourage mom to keep doing well. And then my baby squeezes my neck screaming. I walked out the door and hear more gut wrenching cries. It was rough. 

I am grateful for the opportunity that mom allowed us to stay in their lives. I am grateful that we were able to have weekend visits. As we journey on in foster care, no matter the outcome, it will be important to maintain relationships with the first families of the children. Reunification is not easy,but it is almost always the first goal in foster care. And sometimes, reunification doesn't always work. 

Two days later, our case worker sent me a text, "Hypothetically, if we were to do a removal, would you and Jon be willing to take them back?" 

Um. Yes. 

The next day, Chick and Koala were back in our home. It's been a whirlwind, but so good. 

When "Happy Mother's Day" isn't enough

Mother's Day is an interesting holiday. As a mom of five right now, it was so good to be celebrated yesterday. I felt cared for and loved well. My amazing husband knows how I need alone time to recharge and part of my gift was to be left home, completely alone, to do whatever I wanted.  That's love baby. He took the kids to that 5 star restaurant with the Golden Arches and a play place for a few hours. And at home.....I had quiet. I ate a meal by myself. I sat on the couch with no children crawling on me.  I binge watched some guilty pleasure tv shows. It was amazing. Can we do it again today?

Mother's day is not lost on me. I know for every child in my home, there is another mother that has a hole in her heart. I know she is missing her children and how I wish I could have talked to all of them yesterday. I was able to text both moms of the girls, but I wish I would have been able to send a message to Caleb's birth mom. Each of the three mom's represented in our house are loved in a way that they will never know.

Mammas, I know you miss your kids today. Sometimes the days might run together and life gets busy, but on Mother's Day, I know you are thinking of the child that is not in your home today. I would be too. There would be grief for sure. I cannot imagine it. I am thankful for you mamma. I am thankful that you chose life for your children. I am thankful that God made such beautiful children. I am grateful for the responsibility and the privilege to raise them, even if it is a short amount of time. You are loved.

Perhaps the greatest Mother's Day gift I can give you is to assure you that your children are crazy loved at our house. They are a part of our families. They are celebrated. They are taken care of. They are fun. They love well and are loved well.  I want to honor you by raising your kids the best way we can.

Today I think about you.

I celebrate you.

I grieve with you.

I honor you.

I'm praying for you.

Today I thank you. Thank you for giving me the privilege of being mom.

Let's just talk about the Elephant.

Or in our case, let's talk about the Chicken.

In just 5 short days (as if a day can be short with a crazy chicky girl running around), we will be packing our van with the belongings of the sweetest almost 19 month old you ever did see. Ok.....maybe not sweetest. She is a bit of a beast. But she is a cute one, and she has my heart. We will take her back to her parents house, and our time being her temporary parents will end.

It is really easy to be on this side of things, and ask yourself, "Was it worth it? Was it all in vain? Did we make any difference?"

And the truth is, I don't know.
 I want to think so. 
 I want to think that the way we loved her helped her learn to bond with others. 
 I want to think that we will continue to have a relationship with her and her family.  
 I want to think that the prayers that were prayed over her and for her were not to the ceiling.  

In my heart of hearts, I know that it mattered. If it didn't, we wouldn't be in foster care. But, it is really hard to see.

It's even harder to feel. 

In April 2013, we said yes to taking a newborn home from the hospital. She was in the hospital for a few days, and I spent time loving on her, holding her and praying for her. When she was ready, we took her home, and the crazy journey began.  I think about what we would have missed if we didn't have her in our lives. 

My house would be cleaner.  
   But, I wouldn't have had the chance to see my tender, then three year old son become completely attached to his "baby chicken."  

I would have gotten a lot more sleep. 
   But, I would have missed the sweet morning smiles and giggles. This child is a morning girl.  

I would have had lots more time on my hands. 
   But I would have missed a lot of her firsts. Her first steps, her first words, her first hugs and kisses. I loved being there for her firsts, and my heart ached that her mom and dad were not a part of those milestones. 

My heart wouldn't be broken. Caleb's heart wouldn't be broken. 
   Isn't love like that? You risk it all on the line, and you aren't sure if you will be loved in return. But it's worth it. We put it all on the line, not knowing if we would be her parents for a season or forever. Our season is done. And it's hard. And messy. And I don't like it. But it was worth it. It was worth it for her. She needed a family. It was worth it for me. I was able to love like Jesus. It was worth it for Caleb. We are able to see him love another child, and to continue to explain that kids will be in and out of our house, as they need places to live and mommies and daddies. He doesn't get it all right now. I don't get it all right now, but step by step, we are walking in stride, following Jesus as a family into this crazy messy world of foster care. 

What's next? 
We say goodbye to Chick on Friday, and become a household of 5. We will not be taking any more foster placements until January 1.  



 

Because sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

            There is this song that I have been playing over and over in my head. It is the mantra for my life right now. I want to do what God is calling me to. To do hard and push through when what I want most is to run to the hills.

                                                                 I'd love like I'm not scared
                                                                 Give when it's not fair
                                                                Live life for another
                                                                Take time for a brother
                                                               Fight for the weak ones
                                                              Speak out for freedom
                                                               Find faith in the battle
                                                             Stand tall but above it all
                                                                 Fix my eyes on you
                                                                                   (For King and Country) 


              If this doesn't describe foster care, I don't know what does. Hec, it describes my day hour by hour sometimes. 

              The key though, is to fix my eyes on Him. Too often it is on myself, and my feelings, and oh those feelings are entangling and deceitful.

And then there were the teen girls.

In just over 36 hours (give or take),  Jon and I will be foster parents to two teenage girls.

What to the what? Right. I know.

In the deepest part of my heart, God has been preparing this for about a little over a year. There is such a calm and peace about this. In the midst of peace, I get the overwhelming fear and questions..

-We have NO IDEA how to parent teens. None. None. None. None.

-How in the world are we to squeeze two more people into our house? And get more beds? And bedding? And everything? The space. The money. 

-It's summer time. How in the world will I entertain them all day? I highly doubt they enjoy the same thing my 14 month old and 4 year old do.

-What about our summer plans? Do we take them with us or find respite?

-Will I ever go on a date again with my hubby?

-Will they get along with the girls in the youth group?

-How will Caleb do with another disruption?

-How do we handle chores/responsibilities, consequences, etc?

-Caleb and Chic will be sharing a room----so will I ever sleep again?

-How can I build a relationship with them and pour into them?

-What hobbies do they have? 
 

It is going to be hard. I am already thinking of reasons to call my caseworker and say we can't do it. And I know we can't on our own, but with Christ as our stronghold, we will. This is for the glory of His name, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that so desperately needs Him. 

I will be spending the next day transforming Chick's room into a room fit for teen girls, and moving Chick into C's room.

I'd like to get a little "Welcome" gift for the girls. What exactly do you get a 13 and 14 year old girls?

Any advice....PLEASE

And prayers. We need the prayers.

Coffee Date Week #2

Pull up a seat. Grab a cup of coffee. Let's sip away and talk about life. If we were having coffee today:

-I would most likely complain about how my son his sick/allergies/something that is causing him to not sleep and be miserable.

-I would tell you all about my sister's Senior All Night Party. It was a good time. You can see some pictures here.
  
-Maybe we would play around with makeup, depending on where we are having this cup of coffee. I probably wouldn't bust out my makeup in the middle of Starbucks, but my kitchen table....yep, beware.

-I would ask you if you know how to contour and highlight well, because I want to nail that look, and I can't. That's why I have girlfriends ya'll.

-I would tell you that I just started selling Younique Makeup. I LOVE their stuff. I don't really plan on making it a business and filling up your fb pages with stuff, but as people buy, I do get free makeup. So, that's a win. Especially with my new found make up obsession.

-Speaking of which.....If I tell you this, please look past my vanity. Really, please. I keep looking at my eyelashes in the mirror. Youniques 3D Fiber Lashes, are FABULOUS!  You can order here:

-We might talk about how parenting has been difficult lately. It has been a season of clinging to Jesus, starting days over, and loving fiercely on these little ones.

-I would tell you that my foster daughter is obsessed with dog food. I said it. And I threw up in my mouth a little bit. GROSS.

-I would celebrate the fact that Chick is learning to nap. And you would roll your eyes because every conversation we have, I somehow weave in how this girl refuses to nap. But then you would be glad for me, because she is starting to nap. 

-I would cherish our time together, because time spent with good friends, sharing life and time well spent.

-I would ask you about your summer goals.

-I would tell you about lavender oil and how it is helping immensely with anxiety.

-I would get a second cup of coffee, because well, I am tired. And coffee fixes a lot.

If we were having coffee today, what would you tell me??

I'm waiting. Kind of.

Foster Care has that weird place of waiting. And I most definitely in that place, waiting for our next placement.

In many ways, God has preparing my heart for a new placement, as well as preparing our circumstances. I am learning what it means to be a stay at home mom, we have established SOMEWHAT of a routine, God is teaching me so much to rely on Him, and all of these things are really preparing us for our next placement. 

For those of you wondering, Chick is still with us. She has now been with us for 13 months. We are still unsure of what will happen in her case. *Keep praying.*

 There is still some room in our house and van, and definitely room in our hearts for another child to love.

I so, hesitate to even say that, or to be excited about it. In order for a child to be in foster care means that their home situation is not good. It means that they have endured circumstances that I will have never have experienced.

And yet, it is a reality of our broken and fallen world.

So here we are.

Waiting.

Enjoying every minute of our life.

Loving our time with Chick, and praying that we will be able to adopt her. 

Loving being Caleb's mamma, because he is the coolest kid ever:)

Be blessed today friends!

Sometimes it's messy.

This morning, I knew there was going to be a mess. But it was soooooo worth it. Our little Chicky girl LOVES bananas. She loves to eat bananas. She is currently in the "I'm too cool to be fed" stage, and will only eat things she can feed herself. Bananas are great for that, except they get smashed all over her, her clothes, in between her fingers, her high chair, on the floor, and probably even some left over gunk on the ceiling. But, so worth it. During her banana time, she is silent. She is happen . I was able to do dishes, knowing that she was fully entertained.

But my word! The mess. I think I spent more time cleaning it up, that she spent time devouring her treasured banana. The peace and quiet, the ability to get dishes done....it was worth it. And if I am honest, she will probably get another banana today. And maybe we will plant a banana tree in the back yard, so we never run out. 

As much as the kid messes drive me bonkers, I can clean those up. With the sweep of a broom, swish of a mop, and some wet wipes, this mama is ready for anything. Life isn't always like that.

Sometimes it is messy, and I feel like there is nothing I can do.

I sit in the presence of the Lord, and wait.

I wait on Him. I listen. I persevere. 

Mostly there is a lot of waiting.

And leaning in on Him. He is the only one that provides comfort and understanding.

Foster care, is stinkin messy my friends. I want to take a bucket of bleach and clean it all up, but it just doesn't work that way. It's  not a one time fix. 

I want to see renewal and redemption in the foster care system.

I want to see what is done in the dark brought into the light.

I want birth parents to learn how to parent, how to break the generational sin in their life, and start fresh.

I want to be a part of loving on kids. I want to be a part of loving on parents.

I want their to be consquences for parents.

I want decisions to be made in the best interest of the children.

Until then, I will pray. I will wait on the Lord. I will continue to open my home to the littles that need it, and I will love on parents. The last one is particularly tough for me. 

Fairytales and Gumdrops

Some of you may know, in January I became a stay at home mom. I never in a million years thought I would journey down this road. I enjoy working, I always thought being at home would be boring.

It has been filled with the sweet sounds of children waking up in the morning politely requesting their breakfasts and then overjoyed when I give them their first meal of the day.

It has been filled with hugs and snuggles and kisses.

It has been filled with two children, napping at the same time all afternoon, leaving mom with some beautiful time by herself.

It has been filled with glorious play dates, with kids playing so well together and their mammas enjoying adult conversation.

It has been filled with this mamma sipping hot coffee, spending lots of time in God's word and making her time with the God the highest priority.

It has been filled with lots of extra time to work out. This mamma doesn't do much all day, so it has been time to get her booty into gear and shed those pounds that have been sticking on.

It has been amazing how clean and organized my house is. I can get so much done when I am at home all day.

Or, maybe not. 

Some of those above sentences are true, but I will let you decide.

My time at home as been more like this:

Screaming kids. Kids who protest sleep.

Washing machine flooding our laundry room, leaving moldy worn out floors that needed to be replaced. 

Learning that my 4 year old has some very hard stuff he is dealing with. Who know we would be going through an identity crisis at 4?

Exhaustion. These kids run me ragged.

And this house.....will it EVER be clean? 

Spilled drinks. Spilled meals. Actually the spills I can take. It's when my 4 year old gets in one of his fits, and ends up throwing everything that is in front of him, that requires me to have extra grace and patience. 

 My days have been filled with foster care visits,
 case worker visits,
play dates,
cleaning up the same mess 100 times,
looking at my phone every single minute to see if any time has passed,
and filled with random laundry....EVERYWHERE.

 I have learned more about superheros than I ever thought possible.

My relationship with my son is closer than ever before.

I have been on the front lines and have experienced the brunt of his anger, aggression, tantrums, and fits.

I have sat with him and talked about ethnicity, adoption, foster care, and what a family means.

I make an hour drive with my boy to go see a childhood counselor once a week. 

I have found household objects in the most random of places.

I have been spending my days cherishing the moments we have with Chick. We don't know how much longer she will be with us. I am trying to build a relationship with her parents. It has been a very very slow process.

 We have been dealing with sleep issues. Chick doesn't nap. Caleb is either off or on. He could sleep all night and all day, or he could be awake for two days straight. (Again part of what we are trying to figure out what we are dealing with emotionally and physically with our boy).

 This crazy girl....well, she loves that I am home, and is found, far too often under my feet.

When the Lord first led me to stay at home, I was surprised at how quickly the decision was made and why. I loved my job. I loved working. I loved being in ministry. Why stay at home?? It has been made crystal clear over the last few months.

Never have we had a harder season of parenting. I am sure there will be several posts on that, but I know for this season, it is absolutely necessary for me to be home with Caleb, to give him extra attention, to attend counseling sessions with him, to love on him, and give him the extra care he needs right now.

I never thought I would be here, but I am so glad I am. 

Foster Parent Spotlight:Kathy

I have been so blessed to gain a new friend in the last few years. I have loved walking the road of foster care with Kathy. Hope you enjoy a piece of her story. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? Jim and I have been foster parents since June of 2012

2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? From a young age I wanted to adopt. I feel now that the lord was preparing me for the future. Ultimately it was my sister that finally pushed us to start fostering. She fostered and adopted 2 little girls. She brought them home from the hospital and we engulfed them with love from day one. Back in September 2012 we found out that their birth mom was pregnant again with baby number 3. At that time my father was dying of cancer and so I immediately said no to my sister. My father died in January and the night of his funeral our only birth child who at the time was 13 informed us that we need to adopt so that when we died (meaning mom and dad) that he would not be alone and this started our journey into foster care. Today our son not only has a brother but also a sister that are his forever family. We have been blessed!

We became foster parents to keep a family together. Our children will know that there cousins are there sisters. But also to give a child love, stability and a chance to know what it feels like to be in a family and most importantly to share the love of Christ!

3. What has been most surprising? I did not expect it to be so emotional. We did not start foster care to “reunify” we wanted desperately to adopt these children to keep the sibling group close. I also did not expect to have feelings of grief for the birth mom. After our son Malachi was terminated I was overjoyed for my family but shed tears for this mom. I knew that she loved her children but had no idea how to care for them. With our son, Malachi, I did not meet birth mom. Yet I still grieved for her. The second time around I did meet her. I started out very nervous and ended up sharing my heart with her and found that she so desperately wanted to share her past with me and wanted me to know that she was grateful for the care and love that we have given her children.

4. What have you learned about yourself? Like I said, I was really nervous about meeting the birth mom. Yet, I found an inner strength to open up my heart to this woman who gave me the gift of her children. I also did not expect to fall in love with a child with as strong of feelings and as if I had given birth to that child.

5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent? I did not learn this but was reminded about God’s love and how He loves all! I had to remind myself of this fact a lot!!!! Even birthparents, caseworkers, etc. need to see God through me and most importantly know God personally! I always knew that God was faithful but never experienced His faithfulness as strongly as I did during our time of fostering. I truly felt his presence during all of the crazy court dates and even during parenting time when I had to hand “my” baby over to the birth parent and walk away.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? Don’t go into it with expectations of an outcome. We were blessed in our journey. But, I know others who have not been as lucky as we have. Fostering is hard work. You love the child/children that God has placed in your care. You want the best for them! Be open with your caseworker and your child’s lawyer they will impact the outcome.

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? I was asked a lot if our children were adopted yet. And most of the time we were still in the “reunification” stage. Be respectful of questions. Understand that we have guidelines that we have to follow i.e. pictures on Facebook, etc. With little ones, hand-me-down clothing is great. Diapers are expensive and wipes are used frequently. Accepting our children with open arms understanding that they come from tough circumstances and need acceptance no matter how they are acting. Love on them as well as foster parents! Prayers, lots of prayers.

Foster Parent Spotlight: Trisha

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents.Today we meet, Trisha. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We have been licensed for about two and a half years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? we had been interested in foster care in the early years of our marriage. We had close friends that were foster parents and their family kept growing as they would adopt. over several years they ended up adopting 6 children. This family had a huge impact on us. It was a joy watching them serve God and trust Him as they faced many challenges.I remember after our 2nd son was a couple of years old, I did some research and was going to sign up for the PS-MAPP classes. That week I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd and decided it wasn't a good time. Then 3 years ago the time seemed right .We had extra room in our house and all our boys were in school. We have always loved kids and have been involved in children's ministries.
3. What has been most surprising? I guess the most surprising thing would be how much contact we have with the birth parents. Before I was a foster parent I actually thought we would never come in contact with each other and the truth is I see or talk on the phone with birth parents DAILY.

Another thing I've been surprised at that no one told me in the beginning. The appointments and miles driven!! There are drs and dentists appointments always shortly after placement. We have had school meetings , IEP meetings, play therapy and mental health. There are family team meetings and of course all of the court hearings. Not to mention all of the visits. Right now we have 3 foster boys...boy #1 gets 3 visits a week, Boy #2 gets 4 visits a week including one overnight. Baby gets 5 visits a week with his mom! We usually drive one way and the provider drives one way. We live in the country so we drive about 10 miles to town. It adds up fast!
4. What have you learned about yourself? I have learned I am much stronger than I knew I was. I can handle much more than I thought I could (only with the help of my heavenly Father). I actually LIKE going to court. I have gained a ton of confidence.
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?God is always faithful. We lean on HIM daily(sometimes moment to moment). He ALWAYS provides and meets our needs.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? My advice to someone considering foster care would b to focus on loving the kiddos and giving them the best care possible....DO NOT get caught up in the drama or games that birth parents play. Be patient with DHS. Working with them can be frustrating.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Our greatest need is prayer and we do need help.We could not do this without the help of so many.Our fostercare support group has been a great help with car seats, formula, diapers whatever we may be needing. Our church family has been AMAZING ! Providing meals the week we get a new placement. Providing groceries, babysitting. Also our families have been so super supportive and love the kids and include them at family gatherings and camping trips just like one of the family. We are very blessed!

Foster Parent Spotlight: Amber

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Amber. I have had the opportunity to be close friends with Amber for the past 5+ years. In the last year, I have watched her and her family turn from a family of 5, to a family of 8 through foster care. I have been blessed to see how God has used them through foster care:) 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? 6 months
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? a little boy who won over our hearts. We always knew we were open to taking in a child but just didn't know what avenue it would come in.
3. What has been most surprising? For us, that one child led to two which then led to three. I guess I am surprised that we now have a sibling group of 3.
4. What have you learned about yourself? I can do a lot on a little sleep. 
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent? I have learned that the very hard is met with a very faithful God
6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? If someone is considering it then that means that their heart has been pricked and I would tell them to take each step as it comes. I would tell them that the system is flawed but that we are given a chance to be a voice for a child. My goal right now is to be a voice for three children who do not yet have one in this world. My goal is to love three children who were not being loved. My goal is to every day introduce and share Christ with these three children. I would also say that foster care is not for everyone. I believe it is a road that you can choose to take by God's direction and leading. Also I would advise them to get with others who are fostering. You need others that are in it too so you can bounce stuff off them or vent or just chat about what is going on.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Well, fostering can sometimes feel like a lonely thing. My greatest need has been and continues to be support from family and friends. I am fortunate that there are many families in our church that have fostered or are fostering. They have been a great wealth of support. Also support can come from others who are not fostering. Other people that have come along side and just been encouraging and giving with prayers, meals, babysitting, diapers and wipes.

Foster Parent Spotlight: Marilyn

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Marilyn. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We were foster parents for 8 years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? I was introduced to the beautiful way of growing a family through adoption at a young age. My mom was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. My mom always had a thankful attitude toward adoption. I knew my mom's adoption was a beautiful example of adoption. I understood that God's plan was for Christians to care for people in need. When my husband and I looked into adoption we told our adoption agency we were interested in providing a home and family for children who are harder to place into care. Our agency explained to us the GREAT need for foster families. When we learned that it is often difficult to find appropriate homes for foster children we decided to become foster parents. 
3. What has been most surprising? I was surprised by how easily I forgot that my foster child, this little one who depends upon me for almost every need, and who so quickly stole my heart, still in reality has another family – their birth family. The truth that I was not their one and only mommy was hard to comprehend and a difficult reality for my heart to admit to.

4. What have you learned about yourself? As a result of providing foster care I learned that my capacity and ability to completely and unconditionally love someone did not depend upon whether or not they were born of my womb.  
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?I learned to trust in God in a brand new way. In many circumstances in my life I have been able to have a decent amount of control over the outcome In foster care decisions are completely out of my control and into the hands of God, the judge, and the birth parents. Being so far removed from the decision process of the little lives I cared so much for and had invested so much into encouraged me to run into the arms of my heavenly Father. The trust I placed upon God took on a brand new meaning and our relationship has changed forever.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? The advice I’d offer anyone interested in becoming a foster parent is to be careful to remember that foster care is needed and provided because of a great need the children have. We cannot enter into this ministry of caring for foster children to fulfill a need we feel is missing in our own lives. We need to remember this ministry is about the kids. Jesus Christ completes us and because of His great love we can in return love on others! Praise God!

I would also advise people to carefully consider the purpose of foster care. The goal of foster care is reunification between birth parents and their children. Reunification is the goal and adoption only occurs IF and when reunification isn’t possible. Like me, you may find yourself falling in love with a foster child the very moment you meet each other and yet he or she may not be yours to care for forever. This truth is important to remember as you take on this very important ministry. However, adoption of a foster child into a family may be a reality and when it is needed is such a blessing to the child and the adoptive family!!

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? When I was a foster parent my greatest need was for people to understand that just like their heart my heart is weak and sensitive! I heard endless comments about how my friends and aquainances were much too sensitive and how they would just get “way too attached” to the child so they could never be foster parents to a child who might have to leave their home. I have found that most foster parents have such LARGE sensitive hearts that they are willing to share what they have with someone in need despite their own potential heartaches that might come. A fellow foster parent wrote a book about being a foster mommy and titled it, “The Middle Mom, How to Grow Your Heart by Giving it Away”. Being a foster parent means being so sensitive and aware of someone else’s heartache and need that you are willing to give your own heart away completely to heal theirs.

Foster Care 101 Continued....the System

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

If you missed the first post on foster care and how to care for foster families, please check it out here. 

Question: "What exactly is the system" 

Often in foster care, we throw around the word "System." The "system is broken."  "Kids get lost in the system." Etc. What exactly is THE SYSTEM? In order to answer some of that, some other roles and explanations are required. Ready? Set. Here we go. 

Why are kids in foster care? If there is a concern about the safety of a child, Child Protective Services (CPS) will start an investigation. The investigation could result in immediate removal, or an ongoing, checking in, keeping parents accountable, etc.   

If a child is removed, they are either placed with relatives, if a home is appropriate or in foster care. During that time, the case is transferred to a foster care worker. The foster care worker becomes the primary contact and advocate for the child and parents. Their job is to figure out the best situation for the child, majority of the time, working towards reunification (send the child back home).  

If you are a parent and your child has been removed, you are offered, and often court ordered to participate in a number of services, including drug screening, job training, finding appropriate housing, parent visits, parent classes, going back to school, counseling, etc, etc, etc. 

In most cases, a case will go before the courts every days. In the state of Michigan, it is a goal that kids will have a permanency planning hearing by the time they are in care for one year. 

Everyone who has a role in working with parents and the child (CPS, foster care workers, service providers, lawyers and the courts) are a part of the system. The judge on the case makes the ultimate decision, but all play a crucial role. 

Yes, the system is messed up. The system needs people to stop complaining and instead,  need those who are redeemed by Jesus to step in to the messiness of the system, get their hands dirty and to show the redeeming power of the Savior to a very, very broken system. 

Hope this helps! 

Helping Foster Families During the Holidays

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

First up, is simply an article taken from our agency letter that was sent out last week. There are lots of you, who are not directly involved in foster care, but would be a great blessing to those who are. Here are some ways to do so:

7 Ways to Help Foster Families During the Holidays (and beyond) 

1. Babysit so the parents have a chance to do some Christmas shopping, complete other errands, and even have a romantic dinner together. 

2. Wrap presents for them so they don't have to worry about trying to find time to do the work of elves in the middle of the night when they could be getting some much needed rest. 

3. Prepare some meals so they don't have to. After all, finding time in their busy schedule to make a homemade meal can be a big challenge. 

3. Come over and do the laundry, cook, shovel snow, put up Christmas decorations, or other tasks that might help them. Added bonus: While you are there you can be a listening ear and offer encouragement and support. 

5. Take one of the family's children for the day. Give the child some spending money to buy gifts for their family. Treat them to lunch. You will find this to be a wonderful opportunity to mentor a child.  

6. Have the family over for dinner or for a holiday celebration. 

7. Adopt a foster family or another family by committing to be an ongoing support and resource for the family, no matter way season it is. 

-Written By: Calhoun County Foster Care Collaboration

Things to Never Say to a Foster Parent

1. What happened to his parents? Why is he in foster care?
        First off, each story is different, and the story belongs to the child. Not you. And be careful how you are asking. There is a huge difference in asking about a baby and a 10 year old.  A 10 year old is already wrestling with why they are being taken away, why mom and dad are not able to care for them. They feel sometimes, like they are to blame. So let's do the kids a service and at the very least not ask those questions in front of them.

2. How long will you have her?
   We don't know. Actually no one knows. Only a judge can decide that, so unless we just went to court, nothing has changed. I'll give you a clue though....very rarely are kids in foster care for less than 6 months, and the hope is to have a permanency plan within a year. Obviously, this is the ideal situation, and doesn't always happen. Also, court hearings happen every 90 days. If there hasn't be a hearing, there is no new news. Just sayin.

3. I could never be a foster parent.
    Why do you say that? Sure, being a foster parent is hard. Totally hard. Lots of appointments, parent visits, loving on kids that may or may not love you back, having bio parents tell you how bad  you are at caring for their children, etc.....    
    There are the days where I think, "no more." I can't deal with the system. I'm done. And then I remember that God has called me to be here. I remember that God gives us strength for the things he calls us to do. It's not about what I have, it's not about what I can do, but it is all about leaning on Jesus and pressing in to Him.
    Is it going to be hard to let go? Sometimes. The baby we have now, will be extremely hard to say goodbye. Isn't that what we want though? If we are so quick to hand over kids and say goodbye, it probably means that we weren't that attached with to begin with. And don't these kids need all the love, attention and support they can get? I will do my best, with the strength of God, to love these kids well, to connect with them, and have them be a part of my family.

4. Those kids are so lucky to have you.
    Enough. This statement just makes foster parents sounds like heroes. We're not. We're broken, messy sinners.

5. I can't believe (foster agency) throws you around like that.
   I get it. I don't get to get frustrated for those things, I signed up for those things. I signed up to get thrown around. Side note: I wish that I didn't get frustrated...but I totally do.

6. Will you keep her?
    What do you mean? Like a puppy? Seriously? Why are you asking that? See #2........we don't know when a child will return home or if they return home. Our answer for this question asked right now of  Miss Chicky baby is "If we get the chance....yes."

I am so thankful that God has called me to be on the foster care road. It's hard, it's lonely, but it is so so worth it. Wanna join me?

It is well with my soul

  As the weeks go on, many of you have asked what is new with our little Chicky Baby. There is NOTHING new. I promise. This is how foster care works, for better or for worse. The next time we will hear anything about Chicky's case will be the end of August. Until then, she will be living with us, loved on by us, spoiled, cared for, prayed for and will be a part of our family. We are praying and hoping that she gets to be a part of our family forever. 

  But, that may not happen. It is completely up to a judge, (and some other factors we won't get into). And if we don't get to raise Chicky as our daughter forever, it is ok. 

  It is well with my soul. 

  Really. 

 God has done a complete heart transformation. This little girl that is living at my house and occupies so much of my heart, has always been the Lord's. As much as I love her, and think I know that is best for her, God loves her so much more than I can comprehend. 

  It really comes down to whether or not I believe God is sovereign, in control and good. If He really is those things, then what reason to have to doubt?  

  Lord, it is well with my soul. 

 

  If we adopt Chicky, or if we don't. 

  Thank you Lord for bringing me to this place of peace! I know there will be hardship, but You have shown Yourself faithful and trustworthy. I will walk in Your truth and put my trust in You through this situation. 

 In the end, let my heart say, "It is well with my soul." 

A Prayer Team for my Chicky Baby

Every once in a while, I feel like God is really speaking to me. I have spent the last week praying and seeking the Lord about Chicky Baby. (Caleb has named BabyGirl "Chicken). I have been asking how we should proceed. It is always a weird process to pray for an adoption to happen, especially through foster care. In order for us to adopt a child, it means that their biological parents, for whatever reason could not take care of them. That is a hard pill to swallow and humbles me on most days. 

Throughout this week, God has been challenging me to build a team of pray-ers for Chicky Baby. Not just people who throw random wishes and hopes up to the heavens, but people who will be on their knees, seeking the Lord, and hearing His voice for us in this situation. 

God has confirmed that it is indeed His desire that we pray that this adoption goes through. 

First challenge: This week..... 

-Chicky Baby is coming home today. 

-Caleb will meet his chicken for the first time:) 

-There is a court hearing this week. 

So friends, if you want to join this prayer team, let me know. You will receive more  information than what is available on this blog. 

A Baby Girl! (Maybe)

We have a baby girl (maybe). That, unforutately will be my mantra until the adoption is finalized. There is so much up in the air with this case, and I want to guard my heart, but also....so so so excited that this is a very real possibility.

There is so much I want to write on here, and yet, because of Baby A being an open foster care case, I just can't.

Before you jump all over me, and say, "Say what....you said you were taking a break," let me put your minds at ease.
1. We are still taking a break. Baby A is still in the hospital, and could be for a while. We really don't know.

2. It has been four weeks already.

3. We took a break from foster care, not adoption.

4. I \told God," we'll take a break, but if you bring us a newborn, baby girl who can be adopted, we will say yes."

We don't know much. Baby A was born 4 weeks premature, addicted to drugs. She is still in the hospital, gaining weight and going through drug withdrawl. Parents rights will be terminated soon. the agency has asked us to pursue adoption with her, though not guaranteeing that no family members will be stepping forward.

We have not met Baby A. That may be the hardest part. She is in the hospital, but her mom and dad right now are visiting her, and the agency doesn't know if it would be a good idea for us to run into them. Ah. Not a good idea to tell me, "Hey you're a mom, but you can't meet her."

So that's it folks. I wish there was more to tell you, but there's not.

I already know that if the adoption fails, my heart will be broken. I am already attached to this girl I have never met. I already love her. She is already mine.

Except she's not. She is God's daughter. God has the right to choose whether or not we get to raise her as our daughter or not. And I am really ok with that. I know that if the adoption fails, I will be hurt, but I am so sure that God is in control in this....even if the outcome is not what I want.

So pray friends!
-Pray that Baby A will gain weight and withdraw quickly from drugs.
-Pray that she would bond quickly with us and know us well.
-Pray that parents rights would be terminated quickly
-Pray that we would work well with all caseworkers involved.


THANKS!

Pride Before the Fall

It was exactly three hours that we were without foster children in our home. Our last placement (a group of two brothers, 7 months and 9 years old) were with us for the past 7 months. That season was one of the hardest we have had as a family. We were so glad to see them go, for so many reasons.

Their mom was doing so well, and we felt very confident in her ability to parent her children again. I have had the opportunity to have a growing relationship with her and have been excited to see how she is growing and changing.

We were tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. T I R E D. I have not had a good night of sleep in seven months. The baby hardly ever slept, and Caleb was having lots of trouble sleeping....nightmares, etc.

We had just finished 7 months of verbal abuse. That's a whole post for later.

More importantly, we had a 3 year old son to take care of, who was showing regression and signs of really not doing well physically and emotionally. He had stopped eating, and sleeping, he stopped talking, he was getting more violent, he was being threatened by our foster son, etc...

When I answered my phone with the worker from DHS asking if we would take GB, my pride set in. My mind was filled with thoughts like, " I can do this. I can do it all. I don't need a break. All those people who keep telling me I need a break, I'll show them. I can do everything. I can have control."

hahahhahahahhahahhahahaa. That's funny Kristin.

And a hard pill to swallow when it took all of 30 seconds of GB being in our house that I realized how wrong I was.

If I was wrong and I couldn't handle it and I needed a break, the least I could do was hide it from every person I knew, so I could keep up the facade.

And then the fall....Jon asked me if I was leaving for campus soon. I had about 10 minutes to get to my next thing on campus. I looked at him and started bawling. The past seven months of unrest, stress and hardship was resting on my shoulders and came out with those tears.

When I officially asked the case worker to find a new home for GB to be placed in, Jon responded, "Thank you for not being stubborn."

Needless to say, I was completely confused. The only reason we were in this situation was because of my stubbornness and pride.

I asked what he meant.

"The old you, would have held on and sucked it up, and it would have probably ruined our family."

Ouch. True.

And yet....I want so much of that old me. I wish I had it in me to "suck it up." I hate when kids in the foster system are transferred to different homes. It feels like people give up too easily. It feels like I gave up to easily.

Just so you know, I don't think we made the right decision. It started with a wrong decision, and we had to keep making wrong decisions to get to a right one. Does that make sense? In my tired brain, it does.

For the next 6 weeks, we have decided as a family that we will not take any more foster placements. I will be focusing on closing out a semester here at Albion, starting the busy season of photography, being the best wife and mom I can be, and get started on some much needed personal discipline.

Here's to 6 weeks of rest!