Sometimes it's messy.

This morning, I knew there was going to be a mess. But it was soooooo worth it. Our little Chicky girl LOVES bananas. She loves to eat bananas. She is currently in the "I'm too cool to be fed" stage, and will only eat things she can feed herself. Bananas are great for that, except they get smashed all over her, her clothes, in between her fingers, her high chair, on the floor, and probably even some left over gunk on the ceiling. But, so worth it. During her banana time, she is silent. She is happen . I was able to do dishes, knowing that she was fully entertained.

But my word! The mess. I think I spent more time cleaning it up, that she spent time devouring her treasured banana. The peace and quiet, the ability to get dishes done....it was worth it. And if I am honest, she will probably get another banana today. And maybe we will plant a banana tree in the back yard, so we never run out. 

As much as the kid messes drive me bonkers, I can clean those up. With the sweep of a broom, swish of a mop, and some wet wipes, this mama is ready for anything. Life isn't always like that.

Sometimes it is messy, and I feel like there is nothing I can do.

I sit in the presence of the Lord, and wait.

I wait on Him. I listen. I persevere. 

Mostly there is a lot of waiting.

And leaning in on Him. He is the only one that provides comfort and understanding.

Foster care, is stinkin messy my friends. I want to take a bucket of bleach and clean it all up, but it just doesn't work that way. It's  not a one time fix. 

I want to see renewal and redemption in the foster care system.

I want to see what is done in the dark brought into the light.

I want birth parents to learn how to parent, how to break the generational sin in their life, and start fresh.

I want to be a part of loving on kids. I want to be a part of loving on parents.

I want their to be consquences for parents.

I want decisions to be made in the best interest of the children.

Until then, I will pray. I will wait on the Lord. I will continue to open my home to the littles that need it, and I will love on parents. The last one is particularly tough for me. 

"That's Mine Mumma."

There are few words that make me cringe more than, "That's mine, mumma."

Though, I am glad that my 2 year old is "normal" and going through correct developmental stages, I cannot stand those words coming out of the mouth of my son.

Really?

That truck is yours?

The crackers are yours?

This house is yours?

Those clothes are yours?

That cup is yours?

That movie is yours?

Really? 

Because in all of your two year oldness, you have gotten a job, received a pay check and have purchased said truck/toy/food/drink/? Thank you for filling me in. I was not aware of what you did all day.

I was pretty sure that most of the things that he "owns" are actually from my bank account, or gifts. And the toys and clothes are definitely going to be used again by his future sibling, or given away to someone else.

And as I speak and mumble to no one and everyone, I am quickly convicted. The Lord is so good at pointing out my sin. When I say to him, "Sorry Lord. That is mine"

It's my house.

It's my relationship.

It's my job.

It's my time.

It's my money.

It's my decision.

And I see that loving father shaking His head in disappointment. Disappointed that His daughter does not understand that gifts that have been lavished on her. How His heart must hurt when I am so quickly to recognize myself and not Him. I imagine it being like Christmas morning, when He is so excited to give me a gift. It is perfectly wrapped, a gift that He has thought about, put time and energy into, so that He could lavish blessing on me. I open this wonderful gift and toss it aside. Or better yet, act like the gift was never from Him anyways. Act like I don't know who it is from, but if I had to take a guess, it was probably me. I probably saw the gift at a store and wrapped it for myself, because I knew I would like it.

Crazy right?

Indeed.

And it is not even the recognition, but what I do with these gifts.

Nothing is mine anyways. Everything is His. Jon, Caleb, the house, the cars, the bank accounts, even my time. It's all His. I have absolutely no right to decide how those are spent. It is all His to begin with.

Lord, teach me to self less. To give more time. To give more money. To give more of myself when it hurts. To be willing to let go for the sake the kingdom. Because it's Yours anyway.

And.....I leave you with some pictures...

Ending the night on a very very good note

These days have been long and tiring. The past few have been someone difficult as I figure out a schedule for our family, process through some of what the Lord is showing me and walking obedience that is simply terrifying at times. I didn't even want to start today, because I knew what was ahead. I knew that there could be some hard conversations with students, I knew that I would be on campus until 9pm at the earliest and would have to come home and put in a few hours of work and my house is...well, you can tell it is NSO season. 

And yet. 

What a fabulous day. 

So different than I had anticipated. 

Difficult small group leaders meeting as we wrestled with scripture and what God might be saying. I had to eat some humble pie during this time. Lord, are you REALLY leading us to step out in faith this way. (I know the answer is yes, but I am hoping that if I keep asking God will change His mind. It works that way, right?) 

In spite of the above, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that God has allowed me to partner with Him in His work There is nothing about me that is good that deserves this. I am so grateful for the students I work with. I am constantly blessed and humbled by them. 

Ah, the greatness of good conversation. 

And then, I had leftovers in my fridge to make some quesadillas for 2 students. A fun impromtu lunch! 

Those same students sat on my couch, played guitar and sang for about an hour. Lovely! 

Caleb went down for a fabulous nap. 

Caleb calls me "George." I have no idea why, but it cracks me up, and I call him George. I think he has started an inside joke with me that I don't know about. Whatever the reason, he gets a pretty big laugh out of me every time he says it. 

More greatness....Another great conversation with a student 

More greatness....receiving mail from my other half...er....my other 1/3. I went to the mail box today, found a post card from China and Chinese stationary and a card. I simply had to take time to START my letter back to Krista, still not finished. I could write a whole post about Krista and our relationship. Maybe another time. But receiving mail from her....so good. Good news from a distant land. 

More greatness......God is working on campus in UNbelievable ways. WOW. I know, vague, right? 

More greatness......Jon has had a song idea brewing in his head for months. Tonight, he sat on the couch and played it for me. It is the mesh of two songs and I LOVE it. I love the music, the lyrics, my husband playing it, but most of all I am inspired by his vision of choosing these two songs. It shows me how God is working in His heart and speaking to him through music. 

And just as I thought I was going to bed I receive this email from a friend...and cried....because seriously, I am blessed today. 

Hey Kristin,

Thinking of you...

 ³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:3-6)

² I always thank God for ... you, mentioning you in my prayers. ³ I continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 

 ⁴ For I know, you Kristin loved by God, that he has chosen you, ⁵ because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. ⁶ You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. ⁷ And so you became a model to all the believers...  (I Thess. 1:2-7) 

Was sharing a few stories from the past and thought you should know what came to mind.  Thanks.

In Christ,

M

What a year it has been.

Does it feel different? 

Sure doesn't. It is official now, in the eyes of the state, but I became a mother in January. Officially, the adoption was finalized on November 15, 2010, and boy oh boy was that a great day!

But it doesn't feel different.

During an ordinary meal, making ordinary conversation, Jon asked me a question that made me what to punch him, run away, hide and cry. Instead I ignored it (my defense mechanism of choice).

The question: "Do you think it is a coincidence that the adoption was finalized the same week that Noelle was born?"

Do I think its a coincidence? Hec no I don't!! I know that God is sovereign, I know that He has been planning  all along that Caleb would be a part of our family.

I can't believe the ways that this year is different. In so many ways it is different and I am so glad. Today I sat up in my bed and thanks God for the crying baby and the sound of my husband tying to console him. Music to my ears. Yes, the year is quite different.

I never did answer that question that Jon asked. I can't quite go back to last year. Because it. was. hard. My instincts are to run.

Blessed

Caleb is 8 1/2 months old. 


We have bought two packages of diapers. 


Thanks to friends and family and the Lord's provision. 

Come on now, 'fess up!

I went to a staff meeting today....

And found a note that said
"Kristin and Jon,
Congratulations on your adoption! Many people are praying for you as you take care of Caleb. You are a model for many Christians to respond to the littlest in the world by adopting and giving them a new family just as the Lord adopted us into His family!
I'm sure there are lots of financial needs so please put this to good use to serve your family in any way you see fit.
Love in Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior!"

And attached to that note was an envelope

And in the envelope was two $25 gift cards

So fess up! Who blessed us like this? We are so appreciative to you.!!!

To a dear blog reader, Ida-- THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I was so surprised to get a gift card from you in the mail! Can't wait to use it to spoil Caleb (or buy necessities:)