Weekend Visits

**From this point on, #lilduck will now be referred to as #koala, because she is seriously a koala bear that is attached to your body at all times. **

Chick and Koala went home in January. We knew  the week that they would be going home, but through a crazy turn of events (the hubby in another state for work, Caleb and I an hour away in our new town and trapped in our new house due to a snow storm and Chick and Koala at daycare over an hour away).... we weren't able to say goodbye or pack up their things. Anyways, mom picked them up from daycare the day of the snowstorm and that was it. 

I spent January and February texting mom, with no response. I had things to give her from the girls, and just generally wanted to see how the girls were. 

She finally texted me and asked if we could take the girls for a weekend in March. YES YES YES YES. My babies!!! We were so excited. I went to mom's house to get the girls. As soon as they saw me they ran and gave big hugs, and I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. Tears of happiness that they seemed ok and grateful that we get to see the girls. Tears of sadness, knowing that this was just a weekend visit and we didn't know when we would see them again. We had a great weekend together. Jon and I took the girls back on Sunday and it was awful. They were screaming and didn't want us to leave. 

The same thing happened two weekends later, but 10x worse. Chick was clinging to my neck screaming "mommy don't leave me." I cried. Mom cried. I told mom that it was ok, that Chick would be fine. I struggled with wanting to help mom navigate this, and wanting to scoop up Chick and run away with her. I wanted mom to know that Chick has a deep bond with us, and for the wellbeing of her daughter, they needed to spend time with us. Chick needed to know this wasn't the last time she was going to see us. I wanted to encourage mom to keep doing well. And then my baby squeezes my neck screaming. I walked out the door and hear more gut wrenching cries. It was rough. 

I am grateful for the opportunity that mom allowed us to stay in their lives. I am grateful that we were able to have weekend visits. As we journey on in foster care, no matter the outcome, it will be important to maintain relationships with the first families of the children. Reunification is not easy,but it is almost always the first goal in foster care. And sometimes, reunification doesn't always work. 

Two days later, our case worker sent me a text, "Hypothetically, if we were to do a removal, would you and Jon be willing to take them back?" 

Um. Yes. 

The next day, Chick and Koala were back in our home. It's been a whirlwind, but so good. 

So a year has passed.

It's been a year since I updated this silly thing.

A year.

It's not like I didn't have things to say. I did. Lots.

I never quite could articulate what was happening in our house, where we were on our foster care journey and how we are generally doing in life.

I LOVE the "On this date" section on Facebook. I love seeing what I was doing in years past. I realized that I really like seeing where our family has been compared to where we are now.

My goal is to post once a week, if for no one else, just myself so I have a record of whats going on.

The quick run down, or year in review:

-Caleb started Kindergarten. It was a very rough start, but it was a time that I really was able to lean into Jesus and deepen a friendship with his principal.

-We built a house an hour away and moved. We are currently hoping to sell our old house but will likely do a rent to own.  We built the house thinking we would have 5 kids move in with us. That didn't happen.

-Our little sister girls that we were fostering went home with mom in January. That was hard. I didn't even get to say goodbye (more on that later).

-Our teens were supposed to move in with a family member in October, but ended up doing that a few weeks ago.

-A week and a half ago our little sister girls came back to live with us.

-I started a new job teaching toddlers in a day care center.

-Jon is finished with school.


That's the short run down. What do you want to hear about first? :)

When "Happy Mother's Day" isn't enough

Mother's Day is an interesting holiday. As a mom of five right now, it was so good to be celebrated yesterday. I felt cared for and loved well. My amazing husband knows how I need alone time to recharge and part of my gift was to be left home, completely alone, to do whatever I wanted.  That's love baby. He took the kids to that 5 star restaurant with the Golden Arches and a play place for a few hours. And at home.....I had quiet. I ate a meal by myself. I sat on the couch with no children crawling on me.  I binge watched some guilty pleasure tv shows. It was amazing. Can we do it again today?

Mother's day is not lost on me. I know for every child in my home, there is another mother that has a hole in her heart. I know she is missing her children and how I wish I could have talked to all of them yesterday. I was able to text both moms of the girls, but I wish I would have been able to send a message to Caleb's birth mom. Each of the three mom's represented in our house are loved in a way that they will never know.

Mammas, I know you miss your kids today. Sometimes the days might run together and life gets busy, but on Mother's Day, I know you are thinking of the child that is not in your home today. I would be too. There would be grief for sure. I cannot imagine it. I am thankful for you mamma. I am thankful that you chose life for your children. I am thankful that God made such beautiful children. I am grateful for the responsibility and the privilege to raise them, even if it is a short amount of time. You are loved.

Perhaps the greatest Mother's Day gift I can give you is to assure you that your children are crazy loved at our house. They are a part of our families. They are celebrated. They are taken care of. They are fun. They love well and are loved well.  I want to honor you by raising your kids the best way we can.

Today I think about you.

I celebrate you.

I grieve with you.

I honor you.

I'm praying for you.

Today I thank you. Thank you for giving me the privilege of being mom.

Let's just talk about the Elephant.

Or in our case, let's talk about the Chicken.

In just 5 short days (as if a day can be short with a crazy chicky girl running around), we will be packing our van with the belongings of the sweetest almost 19 month old you ever did see. Ok.....maybe not sweetest. She is a bit of a beast. But she is a cute one, and she has my heart. We will take her back to her parents house, and our time being her temporary parents will end.

It is really easy to be on this side of things, and ask yourself, "Was it worth it? Was it all in vain? Did we make any difference?"

And the truth is, I don't know.
 I want to think so. 
 I want to think that the way we loved her helped her learn to bond with others. 
 I want to think that we will continue to have a relationship with her and her family.  
 I want to think that the prayers that were prayed over her and for her were not to the ceiling.  

In my heart of hearts, I know that it mattered. If it didn't, we wouldn't be in foster care. But, it is really hard to see.

It's even harder to feel. 

In April 2013, we said yes to taking a newborn home from the hospital. She was in the hospital for a few days, and I spent time loving on her, holding her and praying for her. When she was ready, we took her home, and the crazy journey began.  I think about what we would have missed if we didn't have her in our lives. 

My house would be cleaner.  
   But, I wouldn't have had the chance to see my tender, then three year old son become completely attached to his "baby chicken."  

I would have gotten a lot more sleep. 
   But, I would have missed the sweet morning smiles and giggles. This child is a morning girl.  

I would have had lots more time on my hands. 
   But I would have missed a lot of her firsts. Her first steps, her first words, her first hugs and kisses. I loved being there for her firsts, and my heart ached that her mom and dad were not a part of those milestones. 

My heart wouldn't be broken. Caleb's heart wouldn't be broken. 
   Isn't love like that? You risk it all on the line, and you aren't sure if you will be loved in return. But it's worth it. We put it all on the line, not knowing if we would be her parents for a season or forever. Our season is done. And it's hard. And messy. And I don't like it. But it was worth it. It was worth it for her. She needed a family. It was worth it for me. I was able to love like Jesus. It was worth it for Caleb. We are able to see him love another child, and to continue to explain that kids will be in and out of our house, as they need places to live and mommies and daddies. He doesn't get it all right now. I don't get it all right now, but step by step, we are walking in stride, following Jesus as a family into this crazy messy world of foster care. 

What's next? 
We say goodbye to Chick on Friday, and become a household of 5. We will not be taking any more foster placements until January 1.  



 

Because sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

            There is this song that I have been playing over and over in my head. It is the mantra for my life right now. I want to do what God is calling me to. To do hard and push through when what I want most is to run to the hills.

                                                                 I'd love like I'm not scared
                                                                 Give when it's not fair
                                                                Live life for another
                                                                Take time for a brother
                                                               Fight for the weak ones
                                                              Speak out for freedom
                                                               Find faith in the battle
                                                             Stand tall but above it all
                                                                 Fix my eyes on you
                                                                                   (For King and Country) 


              If this doesn't describe foster care, I don't know what does. Hec, it describes my day hour by hour sometimes. 

              The key though, is to fix my eyes on Him. Too often it is on myself, and my feelings, and oh those feelings are entangling and deceitful.

And then there were the teen girls.

In just over 36 hours (give or take),  Jon and I will be foster parents to two teenage girls.

What to the what? Right. I know.

In the deepest part of my heart, God has been preparing this for about a little over a year. There is such a calm and peace about this. In the midst of peace, I get the overwhelming fear and questions..

-We have NO IDEA how to parent teens. None. None. None. None.

-How in the world are we to squeeze two more people into our house? And get more beds? And bedding? And everything? The space. The money. 

-It's summer time. How in the world will I entertain them all day? I highly doubt they enjoy the same thing my 14 month old and 4 year old do.

-What about our summer plans? Do we take them with us or find respite?

-Will I ever go on a date again with my hubby?

-Will they get along with the girls in the youth group?

-How will Caleb do with another disruption?

-How do we handle chores/responsibilities, consequences, etc?

-Caleb and Chic will be sharing a room----so will I ever sleep again?

-How can I build a relationship with them and pour into them?

-What hobbies do they have? 
 

It is going to be hard. I am already thinking of reasons to call my caseworker and say we can't do it. And I know we can't on our own, but with Christ as our stronghold, we will. This is for the glory of His name, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that so desperately needs Him. 

I will be spending the next day transforming Chick's room into a room fit for teen girls, and moving Chick into C's room.

I'd like to get a little "Welcome" gift for the girls. What exactly do you get a 13 and 14 year old girls?

Any advice....PLEASE

And prayers. We need the prayers.

Coffee Date Week #2

Pull up a seat. Grab a cup of coffee. Let's sip away and talk about life. If we were having coffee today:

-I would most likely complain about how my son his sick/allergies/something that is causing him to not sleep and be miserable.

-I would tell you all about my sister's Senior All Night Party. It was a good time. You can see some pictures here.
  
-Maybe we would play around with makeup, depending on where we are having this cup of coffee. I probably wouldn't bust out my makeup in the middle of Starbucks, but my kitchen table....yep, beware.

-I would ask you if you know how to contour and highlight well, because I want to nail that look, and I can't. That's why I have girlfriends ya'll.

-I would tell you that I just started selling Younique Makeup. I LOVE their stuff. I don't really plan on making it a business and filling up your fb pages with stuff, but as people buy, I do get free makeup. So, that's a win. Especially with my new found make up obsession.

-Speaking of which.....If I tell you this, please look past my vanity. Really, please. I keep looking at my eyelashes in the mirror. Youniques 3D Fiber Lashes, are FABULOUS!  You can order here:

-We might talk about how parenting has been difficult lately. It has been a season of clinging to Jesus, starting days over, and loving fiercely on these little ones.

-I would tell you that my foster daughter is obsessed with dog food. I said it. And I threw up in my mouth a little bit. GROSS.

-I would celebrate the fact that Chick is learning to nap. And you would roll your eyes because every conversation we have, I somehow weave in how this girl refuses to nap. But then you would be glad for me, because she is starting to nap. 

-I would cherish our time together, because time spent with good friends, sharing life and time well spent.

-I would ask you about your summer goals.

-I would tell you about lavender oil and how it is helping immensely with anxiety.

-I would get a second cup of coffee, because well, I am tired. And coffee fixes a lot.

If we were having coffee today, what would you tell me??

Pull up a seat.

One of my favorite things in the whole world is to sit across from someone, drinking a wonderful cup of coffee and sharing about life. 

There are so many people that I would love to do that with right now, instead, let's have a virtual cup.

If we were having coffee today,

• I would tell youI am studying Romans. We would probably talk about the richness of God's word. I would ask you what you have been learning from the Lord recently. 
• We would probably talk about foster care in some form or fashion, since I can't really seem to have a conversation without it. 
• I would tell you that my baby is finishing his first year of preschool. 
• I want to make a sidewalk chalk mural on my sidewalk. 
• I would ask you how you are filling your time these days. 
• I am spending time on one room a week until my house is totally organized and things are minimized. 
• I would ask you to come help me organize more of the foster care closet. 
• I would complain about how messy my room is. 
• I would dream of all the things I will do this summer. 
• I would probably tell you that I am really tired today. 
• I would tell you of my plans to redo Caleb's room. 
• I would tell you that I want a kitten. 

What would you want to talk about if we were having coffee today???

I'm waiting. Kind of.

Foster Care has that weird place of waiting. And I most definitely in that place, waiting for our next placement.

In many ways, God has preparing my heart for a new placement, as well as preparing our circumstances. I am learning what it means to be a stay at home mom, we have established SOMEWHAT of a routine, God is teaching me so much to rely on Him, and all of these things are really preparing us for our next placement. 

For those of you wondering, Chick is still with us. She has now been with us for 13 months. We are still unsure of what will happen in her case. *Keep praying.*

 There is still some room in our house and van, and definitely room in our hearts for another child to love.

I so, hesitate to even say that, or to be excited about it. In order for a child to be in foster care means that their home situation is not good. It means that they have endured circumstances that I will have never have experienced.

And yet, it is a reality of our broken and fallen world.

So here we are.

Waiting.

Enjoying every minute of our life.

Loving our time with Chick, and praying that we will be able to adopt her. 

Loving being Caleb's mamma, because he is the coolest kid ever:)

Be blessed today friends!

Sometimes it's messy.

This morning, I knew there was going to be a mess. But it was soooooo worth it. Our little Chicky girl LOVES bananas. She loves to eat bananas. She is currently in the "I'm too cool to be fed" stage, and will only eat things she can feed herself. Bananas are great for that, except they get smashed all over her, her clothes, in between her fingers, her high chair, on the floor, and probably even some left over gunk on the ceiling. But, so worth it. During her banana time, she is silent. She is happen . I was able to do dishes, knowing that she was fully entertained.

But my word! The mess. I think I spent more time cleaning it up, that she spent time devouring her treasured banana. The peace and quiet, the ability to get dishes done....it was worth it. And if I am honest, she will probably get another banana today. And maybe we will plant a banana tree in the back yard, so we never run out. 

As much as the kid messes drive me bonkers, I can clean those up. With the sweep of a broom, swish of a mop, and some wet wipes, this mama is ready for anything. Life isn't always like that.

Sometimes it is messy, and I feel like there is nothing I can do.

I sit in the presence of the Lord, and wait.

I wait on Him. I listen. I persevere. 

Mostly there is a lot of waiting.

And leaning in on Him. He is the only one that provides comfort and understanding.

Foster care, is stinkin messy my friends. I want to take a bucket of bleach and clean it all up, but it just doesn't work that way. It's  not a one time fix. 

I want to see renewal and redemption in the foster care system.

I want to see what is done in the dark brought into the light.

I want birth parents to learn how to parent, how to break the generational sin in their life, and start fresh.

I want to be a part of loving on kids. I want to be a part of loving on parents.

I want their to be consquences for parents.

I want decisions to be made in the best interest of the children.

Until then, I will pray. I will wait on the Lord. I will continue to open my home to the littles that need it, and I will love on parents. The last one is particularly tough for me. 

Fairytales and Gumdrops

Some of you may know, in January I became a stay at home mom. I never in a million years thought I would journey down this road. I enjoy working, I always thought being at home would be boring.

It has been filled with the sweet sounds of children waking up in the morning politely requesting their breakfasts and then overjoyed when I give them their first meal of the day.

It has been filled with hugs and snuggles and kisses.

It has been filled with two children, napping at the same time all afternoon, leaving mom with some beautiful time by herself.

It has been filled with glorious play dates, with kids playing so well together and their mammas enjoying adult conversation.

It has been filled with this mamma sipping hot coffee, spending lots of time in God's word and making her time with the God the highest priority.

It has been filled with lots of extra time to work out. This mamma doesn't do much all day, so it has been time to get her booty into gear and shed those pounds that have been sticking on.

It has been amazing how clean and organized my house is. I can get so much done when I am at home all day.

Or, maybe not. 

Some of those above sentences are true, but I will let you decide.

My time at home as been more like this:

Screaming kids. Kids who protest sleep.

Washing machine flooding our laundry room, leaving moldy worn out floors that needed to be replaced. 

Learning that my 4 year old has some very hard stuff he is dealing with. Who know we would be going through an identity crisis at 4?

Exhaustion. These kids run me ragged.

And this house.....will it EVER be clean? 

Spilled drinks. Spilled meals. Actually the spills I can take. It's when my 4 year old gets in one of his fits, and ends up throwing everything that is in front of him, that requires me to have extra grace and patience. 

 My days have been filled with foster care visits,
 case worker visits,
play dates,
cleaning up the same mess 100 times,
looking at my phone every single minute to see if any time has passed,
and filled with random laundry....EVERYWHERE.

 I have learned more about superheros than I ever thought possible.

My relationship with my son is closer than ever before.

I have been on the front lines and have experienced the brunt of his anger, aggression, tantrums, and fits.

I have sat with him and talked about ethnicity, adoption, foster care, and what a family means.

I make an hour drive with my boy to go see a childhood counselor once a week. 

I have found household objects in the most random of places.

I have been spending my days cherishing the moments we have with Chick. We don't know how much longer she will be with us. I am trying to build a relationship with her parents. It has been a very very slow process.

 We have been dealing with sleep issues. Chick doesn't nap. Caleb is either off or on. He could sleep all night and all day, or he could be awake for two days straight. (Again part of what we are trying to figure out what we are dealing with emotionally and physically with our boy).

 This crazy girl....well, she loves that I am home, and is found, far too often under my feet.

When the Lord first led me to stay at home, I was surprised at how quickly the decision was made and why. I loved my job. I loved working. I loved being in ministry. Why stay at home?? It has been made crystal clear over the last few months.

Never have we had a harder season of parenting. I am sure there will be several posts on that, but I know for this season, it is absolutely necessary for me to be home with Caleb, to give him extra attention, to attend counseling sessions with him, to love on him, and give him the extra care he needs right now.

I never thought I would be here, but I am so glad I am. 

Because it matters {A rant by a tired mamma}

Over the 4 years that Caleb has been in our lives, one of the constant comments I hear when we talk about racial identity is "God doesn't see color."

Really? Do you know when you say that, you are undermining God's creative work in creating cultures and ethnicities, different types of people that all reflect the image and glory of God? Do you know that when you say that, you are telling me that black and white are the same? And do you know you are telling my brown son, that they are the same?

I know what you mean. You mean, "God loves us, regardless of skin color. God loves each of us as His image bearers." I am so glad that we are not bound by culture and ethnicity, but that instead we are blessed by the differences, because they give us a glimpse of God's character and a glimpse of what Heaven will be like.

Perhaps what is so hard about statements like these, is holding my hurting 4 year old last night, until midnight. He was begging me to pray to God and to ask God to turn his skin white.  Or maybe it was the day that he didn't want to go to school because there weren't enough brown kids at his school. Or maybe it was the time he told me that he wanted a brown mommy and daddy. Or maybe it's just the fact that there are differences. I have to take care of his  skin and hair in ways that I don't have to take care of mine, and even in a different way than we take care of Chick's (our bi-racial foster daughter).

As we continue on this journey of raising our son, journey with us as we teach him to value his ethnic identity. The Lord made him black. This is who he is. My hope and prayer is that he would fully embrace his blackness, and whiteness (by being in a white family), and fully glorify the Lord in all that he does. May Caleb walk in purpose and one day understand why a black newborn, born in Detroit was adopted by a white family.

Speaking of the journey....we are starting counseling today. I am not entirely sure how a 4 year old goes through counseling. This is the first step of many. The first step of putting some pieces back together in our very broken home. {Parenting is hard. Especially in adoption and foster care}.

Do you know of any children's books that would help us in this area?

It matters friends. Ethnic identity matters. God created it. Next time you tell me that God doesn't see color, watch out for my mamma claws.

Do you even remember me?

Sometimes, I forget to blog. But I really want to blog, because in this craziness of life, it is so good for me to look back and remember the pictures, remember the funny things my kids did, remember what was on my heart, and to see how things have changed. So here I am...back at it.

Foster Parent Spotlight:Kathy

I have been so blessed to gain a new friend in the last few years. I have loved walking the road of foster care with Kathy. Hope you enjoy a piece of her story. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? Jim and I have been foster parents since June of 2012

2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? From a young age I wanted to adopt. I feel now that the lord was preparing me for the future. Ultimately it was my sister that finally pushed us to start fostering. She fostered and adopted 2 little girls. She brought them home from the hospital and we engulfed them with love from day one. Back in September 2012 we found out that their birth mom was pregnant again with baby number 3. At that time my father was dying of cancer and so I immediately said no to my sister. My father died in January and the night of his funeral our only birth child who at the time was 13 informed us that we need to adopt so that when we died (meaning mom and dad) that he would not be alone and this started our journey into foster care. Today our son not only has a brother but also a sister that are his forever family. We have been blessed!

We became foster parents to keep a family together. Our children will know that there cousins are there sisters. But also to give a child love, stability and a chance to know what it feels like to be in a family and most importantly to share the love of Christ!

3. What has been most surprising? I did not expect it to be so emotional. We did not start foster care to “reunify” we wanted desperately to adopt these children to keep the sibling group close. I also did not expect to have feelings of grief for the birth mom. After our son Malachi was terminated I was overjoyed for my family but shed tears for this mom. I knew that she loved her children but had no idea how to care for them. With our son, Malachi, I did not meet birth mom. Yet I still grieved for her. The second time around I did meet her. I started out very nervous and ended up sharing my heart with her and found that she so desperately wanted to share her past with me and wanted me to know that she was grateful for the care and love that we have given her children.

4. What have you learned about yourself? Like I said, I was really nervous about meeting the birth mom. Yet, I found an inner strength to open up my heart to this woman who gave me the gift of her children. I also did not expect to fall in love with a child with as strong of feelings and as if I had given birth to that child.

5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent? I did not learn this but was reminded about God’s love and how He loves all! I had to remind myself of this fact a lot!!!! Even birthparents, caseworkers, etc. need to see God through me and most importantly know God personally! I always knew that God was faithful but never experienced His faithfulness as strongly as I did during our time of fostering. I truly felt his presence during all of the crazy court dates and even during parenting time when I had to hand “my” baby over to the birth parent and walk away.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? Don’t go into it with expectations of an outcome. We were blessed in our journey. But, I know others who have not been as lucky as we have. Fostering is hard work. You love the child/children that God has placed in your care. You want the best for them! Be open with your caseworker and your child’s lawyer they will impact the outcome.

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? I was asked a lot if our children were adopted yet. And most of the time we were still in the “reunification” stage. Be respectful of questions. Understand that we have guidelines that we have to follow i.e. pictures on Facebook, etc. With little ones, hand-me-down clothing is great. Diapers are expensive and wipes are used frequently. Accepting our children with open arms understanding that they come from tough circumstances and need acceptance no matter how they are acting. Love on them as well as foster parents! Prayers, lots of prayers.

Like Fingernails on a chalkboard

It started in the upstairs bathroom. It was annoying, but not THAT annoying. I didn't spend a lot of time in the upstairs bathroom, so I just walked away from the drip, drip, drip.

And then the kitchen. Though I don't spend tons of in the actual kitchen (hush), my desktop computer is right next to the kitchen and I do spend a lot of time on that thing. And oh, the dripping...it became more noticeable.

Noticeable went to annoying.

Annoying went to, "Oh, that's what that verse means."

God is a really great teacher, the best in fact. A great demonstration to help me know exactly how destructive it can be to be a nag. Not just to my husband, but to my kids and to my friends. I want my words to speak truth, to speak love, to speak peace.

Foster Parent Spotlight: Trisha

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents.Today we meet, Trisha. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We have been licensed for about two and a half years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? we had been interested in foster care in the early years of our marriage. We had close friends that were foster parents and their family kept growing as they would adopt. over several years they ended up adopting 6 children. This family had a huge impact on us. It was a joy watching them serve God and trust Him as they faced many challenges.I remember after our 2nd son was a couple of years old, I did some research and was going to sign up for the PS-MAPP classes. That week I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd and decided it wasn't a good time. Then 3 years ago the time seemed right .We had extra room in our house and all our boys were in school. We have always loved kids and have been involved in children's ministries.
3. What has been most surprising? I guess the most surprising thing would be how much contact we have with the birth parents. Before I was a foster parent I actually thought we would never come in contact with each other and the truth is I see or talk on the phone with birth parents DAILY.

Another thing I've been surprised at that no one told me in the beginning. The appointments and miles driven!! There are drs and dentists appointments always shortly after placement. We have had school meetings , IEP meetings, play therapy and mental health. There are family team meetings and of course all of the court hearings. Not to mention all of the visits. Right now we have 3 foster boys...boy #1 gets 3 visits a week, Boy #2 gets 4 visits a week including one overnight. Baby gets 5 visits a week with his mom! We usually drive one way and the provider drives one way. We live in the country so we drive about 10 miles to town. It adds up fast!
4. What have you learned about yourself? I have learned I am much stronger than I knew I was. I can handle much more than I thought I could (only with the help of my heavenly Father). I actually LIKE going to court. I have gained a ton of confidence.
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?God is always faithful. We lean on HIM daily(sometimes moment to moment). He ALWAYS provides and meets our needs.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? My advice to someone considering foster care would b to focus on loving the kiddos and giving them the best care possible....DO NOT get caught up in the drama or games that birth parents play. Be patient with DHS. Working with them can be frustrating.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Our greatest need is prayer and we do need help.We could not do this without the help of so many.Our fostercare support group has been a great help with car seats, formula, diapers whatever we may be needing. Our church family has been AMAZING ! Providing meals the week we get a new placement. Providing groceries, babysitting. Also our families have been so super supportive and love the kids and include them at family gatherings and camping trips just like one of the family. We are very blessed!

Foster Parent Spotlight: Amber

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Amber. I have had the opportunity to be close friends with Amber for the past 5+ years. In the last year, I have watched her and her family turn from a family of 5, to a family of 8 through foster care. I have been blessed to see how God has used them through foster care:) 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? 6 months
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? a little boy who won over our hearts. We always knew we were open to taking in a child but just didn't know what avenue it would come in.
3. What has been most surprising? For us, that one child led to two which then led to three. I guess I am surprised that we now have a sibling group of 3.
4. What have you learned about yourself? I can do a lot on a little sleep. 
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent? I have learned that the very hard is met with a very faithful God
6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? If someone is considering it then that means that their heart has been pricked and I would tell them to take each step as it comes. I would tell them that the system is flawed but that we are given a chance to be a voice for a child. My goal right now is to be a voice for three children who do not yet have one in this world. My goal is to love three children who were not being loved. My goal is to every day introduce and share Christ with these three children. I would also say that foster care is not for everyone. I believe it is a road that you can choose to take by God's direction and leading. Also I would advise them to get with others who are fostering. You need others that are in it too so you can bounce stuff off them or vent or just chat about what is going on.
7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent?Well, fostering can sometimes feel like a lonely thing. My greatest need has been and continues to be support from family and friends. I am fortunate that there are many families in our church that have fostered or are fostering. They have been a great wealth of support. Also support can come from others who are not fostering. Other people that have come along side and just been encouraging and giving with prayers, meals, babysitting, diapers and wipes.

Foster Parent Spotlight: Marilyn

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Marilyn. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We were foster parents for 8 years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? I was introduced to the beautiful way of growing a family through adoption at a young age. My mom was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. My mom always had a thankful attitude toward adoption. I knew my mom's adoption was a beautiful example of adoption. I understood that God's plan was for Christians to care for people in need. When my husband and I looked into adoption we told our adoption agency we were interested in providing a home and family for children who are harder to place into care. Our agency explained to us the GREAT need for foster families. When we learned that it is often difficult to find appropriate homes for foster children we decided to become foster parents. 
3. What has been most surprising? I was surprised by how easily I forgot that my foster child, this little one who depends upon me for almost every need, and who so quickly stole my heart, still in reality has another family – their birth family. The truth that I was not their one and only mommy was hard to comprehend and a difficult reality for my heart to admit to.

4. What have you learned about yourself? As a result of providing foster care I learned that my capacity and ability to completely and unconditionally love someone did not depend upon whether or not they were born of my womb.  
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?I learned to trust in God in a brand new way. In many circumstances in my life I have been able to have a decent amount of control over the outcome In foster care decisions are completely out of my control and into the hands of God, the judge, and the birth parents. Being so far removed from the decision process of the little lives I cared so much for and had invested so much into encouraged me to run into the arms of my heavenly Father. The trust I placed upon God took on a brand new meaning and our relationship has changed forever.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? The advice I’d offer anyone interested in becoming a foster parent is to be careful to remember that foster care is needed and provided because of a great need the children have. We cannot enter into this ministry of caring for foster children to fulfill a need we feel is missing in our own lives. We need to remember this ministry is about the kids. Jesus Christ completes us and because of His great love we can in return love on others! Praise God!

I would also advise people to carefully consider the purpose of foster care. The goal of foster care is reunification between birth parents and their children. Reunification is the goal and adoption only occurs IF and when reunification isn’t possible. Like me, you may find yourself falling in love with a foster child the very moment you meet each other and yet he or she may not be yours to care for forever. This truth is important to remember as you take on this very important ministry. However, adoption of a foster child into a family may be a reality and when it is needed is such a blessing to the child and the adoptive family!!

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? When I was a foster parent my greatest need was for people to understand that just like their heart my heart is weak and sensitive! I heard endless comments about how my friends and aquainances were much too sensitive and how they would just get “way too attached” to the child so they could never be foster parents to a child who might have to leave their home. I have found that most foster parents have such LARGE sensitive hearts that they are willing to share what they have with someone in need despite their own potential heartaches that might come. A fellow foster parent wrote a book about being a foster mommy and titled it, “The Middle Mom, How to Grow Your Heart by Giving it Away”. Being a foster parent means being so sensitive and aware of someone else’s heartache and need that you are willing to give your own heart away completely to heal theirs.

Foster Care 101 Continued....the System

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

If you missed the first post on foster care and how to care for foster families, please check it out here. 

Question: "What exactly is the system" 

Often in foster care, we throw around the word "System." The "system is broken."  "Kids get lost in the system." Etc. What exactly is THE SYSTEM? In order to answer some of that, some other roles and explanations are required. Ready? Set. Here we go. 

Why are kids in foster care? If there is a concern about the safety of a child, Child Protective Services (CPS) will start an investigation. The investigation could result in immediate removal, or an ongoing, checking in, keeping parents accountable, etc.   

If a child is removed, they are either placed with relatives, if a home is appropriate or in foster care. During that time, the case is transferred to a foster care worker. The foster care worker becomes the primary contact and advocate for the child and parents. Their job is to figure out the best situation for the child, majority of the time, working towards reunification (send the child back home).  

If you are a parent and your child has been removed, you are offered, and often court ordered to participate in a number of services, including drug screening, job training, finding appropriate housing, parent visits, parent classes, going back to school, counseling, etc, etc, etc. 

In most cases, a case will go before the courts every days. In the state of Michigan, it is a goal that kids will have a permanency planning hearing by the time they are in care for one year. 

Everyone who has a role in working with parents and the child (CPS, foster care workers, service providers, lawyers and the courts) are a part of the system. The judge on the case makes the ultimate decision, but all play a crucial role. 

Yes, the system is messed up. The system needs people to stop complaining and instead,  need those who are redeemed by Jesus to step in to the messiness of the system, get their hands dirty and to show the redeeming power of the Savior to a very, very broken system. 

Hope this helps! 

Helping Foster Families During the Holidays

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

First up, is simply an article taken from our agency letter that was sent out last week. There are lots of you, who are not directly involved in foster care, but would be a great blessing to those who are. Here are some ways to do so:

7 Ways to Help Foster Families During the Holidays (and beyond) 

1. Babysit so the parents have a chance to do some Christmas shopping, complete other errands, and even have a romantic dinner together. 

2. Wrap presents for them so they don't have to worry about trying to find time to do the work of elves in the middle of the night when they could be getting some much needed rest. 

3. Prepare some meals so they don't have to. After all, finding time in their busy schedule to make a homemade meal can be a big challenge. 

3. Come over and do the laundry, cook, shovel snow, put up Christmas decorations, or other tasks that might help them. Added bonus: While you are there you can be a listening ear and offer encouragement and support. 

5. Take one of the family's children for the day. Give the child some spending money to buy gifts for their family. Treat them to lunch. You will find this to be a wonderful opportunity to mentor a child.  

6. Have the family over for dinner or for a holiday celebration. 

7. Adopt a foster family or another family by committing to be an ongoing support and resource for the family, no matter way season it is. 

-Written By: Calhoun County Foster Care Collaboration