Foster Parent Spotlight: Marilyn

I  have received many questions and have heard lots of comments concerning foster care in the last few months. In attempts to process through them, take some action and give some understanding, I will be writing about different foster care topics. If you have a question, please share! 

Part of this series will include perspectives from former and current foster parents. Today's special guest: Marilyn. 

1. How long have you been a foster parent? We were foster parents for 8 years.
2. What led you to foster care? Why are you a foster parent? I was introduced to the beautiful way of growing a family through adoption at a young age. My mom was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. My mom always had a thankful attitude toward adoption. I knew my mom's adoption was a beautiful example of adoption. I understood that God's plan was for Christians to care for people in need. When my husband and I looked into adoption we told our adoption agency we were interested in providing a home and family for children who are harder to place into care. Our agency explained to us the GREAT need for foster families. When we learned that it is often difficult to find appropriate homes for foster children we decided to become foster parents. 
3. What has been most surprising? I was surprised by how easily I forgot that my foster child, this little one who depends upon me for almost every need, and who so quickly stole my heart, still in reality has another family – their birth family. The truth that I was not their one and only mommy was hard to comprehend and a difficult reality for my heart to admit to.

4. What have you learned about yourself? As a result of providing foster care I learned that my capacity and ability to completely and unconditionally love someone did not depend upon whether or not they were born of my womb.  
5. What have you learned about God? How have you experienced God as a foster parent?I learned to trust in God in a brand new way. In many circumstances in my life I have been able to have a decent amount of control over the outcome In foster care decisions are completely out of my control and into the hands of God, the judge, and the birth parents. Being so far removed from the decision process of the little lives I cared so much for and had invested so much into encouraged me to run into the arms of my heavenly Father. The trust I placed upon God took on a brand new meaning and our relationship has changed forever.

6. What would your advice be to someone considering foster care? The advice I’d offer anyone interested in becoming a foster parent is to be careful to remember that foster care is needed and provided because of a great need the children have. We cannot enter into this ministry of caring for foster children to fulfill a need we feel is missing in our own lives. We need to remember this ministry is about the kids. Jesus Christ completes us and because of His great love we can in return love on others! Praise God!

I would also advise people to carefully consider the purpose of foster care. The goal of foster care is reunification between birth parents and their children. Reunification is the goal and adoption only occurs IF and when reunification isn’t possible. Like me, you may find yourself falling in love with a foster child the very moment you meet each other and yet he or she may not be yours to care for forever. This truth is important to remember as you take on this very important ministry. However, adoption of a foster child into a family may be a reality and when it is needed is such a blessing to the child and the adoptive family!!

7. What is your greatest need as a foster parent? When I was a foster parent my greatest need was for people to understand that just like their heart my heart is weak and sensitive! I heard endless comments about how my friends and aquainances were much too sensitive and how they would just get “way too attached” to the child so they could never be foster parents to a child who might have to leave their home. I have found that most foster parents have such LARGE sensitive hearts that they are willing to share what they have with someone in need despite their own potential heartaches that might come. A fellow foster parent wrote a book about being a foster mommy and titled it, “The Middle Mom, How to Grow Your Heart by Giving it Away”. Being a foster parent means being so sensitive and aware of someone else’s heartache and need that you are willing to give your own heart away completely to heal theirs.